toefl independent essay, day 6
Could you please correct my essay?
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? My lifestyle is easier and more comfortable than the one my grandparents experienced when they were young.
Essay
Due to the technical progress and impoving in healthcare every generation lives better than their ancestors. I strongly believe, that I live more comfortable and have more opportunities than my mother when she was a teenager. I will explore the reasons for this in the following essay.
First of all, young people all around the world, especially women, have an access to education using digital technologies, while the previous generation did not have such opportunity. Because of spread of the internet you can gain a degree even without leaving your house. My own experience is a compelling example of it. My mother had to interrupt her education after school because of absent of universities in her neighbourhood, had decided to work in industry. But she never gave up dreaming about degree and more secured life for her children. That is why I tried to make her dreams come true and just graduated from a top-ranking university. It would not have been possible, if I had not having an access to educational resources in internet and an opportunity to pass a half of exams online. This example demonstrates how the internet helps millenials to reach their educational goals.
Secondly, because of a stable economical situation, many families in Russia can travel abroad and allow themselves to buy more qualitative clothes and home stuff, then twenty years ago. During the last years of the Soviet Union people have lost a vast majority of their savings and became extremelly poor. For instance, my grandparents have been working in the oil producing company and were going to buy a new appartment, when the crisis and denomination broke their plans. They were worried, because it was meant to be a present for their young son, who had just been enroled in the university. Nowadays, I can be sure that my savings are under control of the government and I have no need to afraid that years of my work appear to be a waste of time. This example illustrates how the economics stabilized in last decades and how people became more confident about their future.
In conclusion, I believe that nowadays people’s lifestyle is more restful than it was for previous generations. This is because of the progress in digital technologies and stable economical situation in particular countries.
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Corrections · 3
1
toefl independent essay, day 6
Could you please correct my essay?
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? My lifestyle [this is not really a correct usage of the word 'lifestyle' - 'lifestyle' is generally about how you choose to live, such 'urban vs rural lifestyle'. You can talk about a 'hard or easy life'. If you describe something as a 'bad lifestyle', that probably means you are making bad choices, like neglecting your diet or sleep - that kind of thing], is easier and more comfortable than the one my grandparents experienced when they were young.
Essay
Due to technological progress and improvements in healthcare, every generation lives better than their ancestors. I strongly believe that I live more comfortably and have more opportunities than my mother did when she was a teenager. I will explore the reasons for this in the following essay.
First of all, young people all around the world, especially women, have access to education using digital technologies, while the previous generation did not have such an opportunity. Because of the spread of the Internet, you can gain a degree without even [yours was ok, but more natural in this position] leaving your house. My own experience is a compelling example of this. My mother had to discontinue ['interrupt' is when you have to stop something in the middle, usually unplanned] her education after school because of the absence of universities in her neighbourhood, and instead pursued industrial work [we would say 'work in the ___ industry (fashion, coal, finance, etc), but would not just say 'work in industry'). But she never gave up dreaming about a degree and a more secure life for her children. That is why I tried to make her dreams come true and just graduated from a top-ranked university. It would not have been possible if I had not had access to educational resources on the Internet and an opportunity to pass half of the exams online. This example demonstrates how the Internet helps Millennials reach their educational goals.
Secondly, because of a stable economic ['economical' means that you try to save money] situation, many families in Russia can travel abroad and allow themselves to buy higher quality clothes and home goods than twenty years ago. During the last years of the Soviet Union people lost a vast majority ['majority' means greater than 50%, and 'vast majority' means much more than 50%; I would say instead 'a significant portion', or something like that] of their savings and became extremely poor. For instance, my grandparents had [since it is no longer ongoing] been working in an oil production company and were going to buy a new apartment when the crisis and devalutation[?] broke their plans. They worried, because the savings were meant to be a present for their young son who had just enrolled in the university. Nowadays, I can be sure that my savings are under the control of the government and I have no need to fear that years of my work will have been a waste of time. This example illustrates how the economics stabilized in last decades and how people became more confident about their future.
In conclusion, I believe that nowadays people’s lives are less stressful than in previous generations. This is because of the progress in digital technologies and the stable economical situation in particular countries.
0
Stable economy? Huh! Stagnating is better word. Decrease in real income of ppopulation for the last 5 years. Total corruption. Sanctions. Price of Ruble. Increase of pension age. People is new oil. And so on and so forth.
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