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With the development of people’s living standard, more and more go travel and enjoy the different life style. However, this kind of situation causes a phenomenon which is what some people think that today’s model of tourism expels people from their neighborhoods and harm the environment. The purpose of this essay is to refute this view and make some good suggestions. In my opinion, if managed correctly, tourism can stimulate the community to become better.
In Venice, for example, which sees many visitors every year and the locals feel that they are expelled by a number of visitors. But think about it from another angle, it is a good idea to stimulate consumption and region’s tourism economy and then Venice could put more energy on the supervision. Visitors need to make an appointment in advance to enter the spot in order to control the people’s number. On the one hand, tourism’s development can provide more jobs for local residents. On the other hand, the local government can use the money to develop new tourism projects which far away from population areas.
As for environment, it requires more government’s supervision and the number of cruise ships and tourists must be reasonably controlled. Tourists who do not follow the rules are fined and the government and relevant departments must give top priority to sustainable development.
For the government, we should pay more attention to the wishes of the locals and we need think about various measures to solve the problem. For tourists, we represent the personal qualities. Do not subject others to unfair treatment because of some visitors’ rude behaviors.
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Would you like to help me modify these sentences?
Best ally
With the improvement in people's standard of living development of people’s living standard, more and more go traveling to enjoy a different life style. However, this kind of situation causes a phenomenon which is what some people think that today’s model of tourism expels displaces people from their neighbourhoods and harms the environment. The purpose of this essay is to refute this view and make some good suggestions. In my opinion, if managed correctly, tourism can stimulate the community to improve/become better.
In Venice, for example, which sees many visitors every year, and the locals feel that they are displaced expelled by the influx of visitors. But think about it from another angle, it is (a good idea)/beneficial to stimulate consumption and the region’s tourism economy so as a solution, Venice could put more energy on the into control/supervision. Visitors need to/could make an appointment in advance to enter the spot/attraction/destination in order to control the flow of people’s number. On the one hand, tourism development can provide more jobs for local residents. On the other hand, the local government can use the money to develop new tourism projects which far away from population areas.
As for(With regard to the) environment, it requires more governmental supervision and the number of cruise ships and tourists must be reasonably controlled. Tourists who do not follow the rules could be fined and the government and relevant departments must give top priority to sustainable development.
For the government, we should pay more attention to the wishes/preferences of the locals and we need think about/consider various measures to solve the problem. For tourists, we represent the personal qualities (this doesn't make sense). Do not subject others to unfair treatment because of some visitors’ rude behaviours.
杨月儿, the word expelled is not suitable for this use. Try instead the word displace/displaced.
Usually when you use the expression on the one hand and on the other hand... the two ideas conflict or contradict one another. Your two examples are both beneficial.
Nicely thought out ideas for your composition. Keep writing!
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Thank you for your help.
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With the development of people’s living standard[s], more and more go travel and enjoy the different life( )style[s]. However, this kind of situation causes a phenomenon which is what some people think (that) [as] today’s model of tourism [that] expels people from their neighborhoods and harm[s] the environment. The purpose of this essay is to refute this view and make some good suggestions. In my opinion, if managed correctly, tourism can stimulate the community to become better.
(In) Venice, for example, (which) sees many visitors every year and the locals feel that they are expelled by a number of visitors. But think about it from another angle/,/ it is a good idea to stimulate consumption and [the] region’s tourism economy (and then) [.] Venice could [also] put more energy on (the) supervision. Visitors need to make an appointment in advance to enter the spot in order to control the [influx of] people(’s number). On the one hand, tourism’s development can provide more jobs for local residents. On the other (hand), the local government can use the money to develop new tourism projects which [are] far away from (population) [residential] areas.
As for [the] environment, it requires more government(’s) supervision and the number of cruise ships and tourists must be reasonably controlled. Tourists who do not follow the rules (are) [must be] fined and the government and relevant departments must give top priority to sustainable development.
For the government, we should pay more attention to the wishes of the locals and we need [to] think about various measures to solve the problem. For tourists, we represent the personal qualities (?). Do not subject others to unfair treatment because of some visitors’ rude behaviors.
Legend:
[] - insert
() - remove
// - replace
(?) - elaborate
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