Help me please!
Dear. Mr. Johan Rodenas
I'm writing regarding your advertisement for ¨Vet Doctor urgently needed¨ posted on the Computrabajo website last week.
As will see from the attached CV , at present , I'm working as a veterinary technician in the famous Pancho Cavero´s Vet Hospital , he is an excellent vet and helps all animals that he can.At the same time I study veterinary medicine at San Marcos University since 5 years ago , I will finish my career this year.
With my knowledge and experience, I'm sure that I would be suitable to a vet doctor position in your Hospital.
I would like to be part of your big team.
I would be happy to attend an interview and if you need further information , please call me on 963254155.
I looking forward to hearing from you.
Thank you for advance,
Olenka Pastor.
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Help me please!
Dear. Mr. Johan Rodenas:
I'm writing regarding your advertisement for ¨Vet Doctor Urgently Needed¨ (or, "for a veterinary doctor") that was posted on the Computrabajo website last week.
As you can will see from the attached Curriculum Vitae, at present I'm working as a veterinary technician in the famous Pancho Cavero´s Veterinary Hospital. [He is an excellent veterinarian and helps all animals that he can.] At the same time I have also been studying veterinary medicine at San Marcos University for the past five years. since 5 years ago , I will finish my career studies this year. Or you could say, "I will receive my B.S. degree in Animal Biology in June 2020." (or whatever the degree is: B.S. in Zoology, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine, etc. It is best to be specific about the type of degree and when you will receive it.)
With my knowledge and experience, I'm sure that I would be am suitable to for a veterinary doctor position in your Hospital. I would like to be part of your big team.
I would be happy to attend an interview, and if you need further information, please call me on at 963254155.
I looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you for in advance. OR "Thank you for your consideration."
Sincerely,
Olenka Pastor (no period after your name)
In a formal letter such as this, you should use the formal name for your profession, "veterinarian" not "vet." The same goes for "CV."
I crossed out "He is an excellent veterinarian....." because this application letter is about your strengths, not Pancho Caveras". Besides, if he is famous, Mr. Rodenas already knows he's excellent.
I crossed out "at the same time" because you already said you are working and have been in school for 5 years, so we know you have been doing both at the same time. It's not necessary to state it. That's called redundancy.
I crossed out "big" because the size of the team is not important. If you want to describe the team, you would use an adjective like innovative, well-renowned, excellent, or something similar.
I assume this letter is simply an exercise, not a real application letter since you used your name as the recipient. However, I corrected it as if it were an authentic application letter for a job in the U.S. Therefore, most of my corrections were for format, not English. Your English seems to be pretty good, based on this short exercise.
If you have any questions about my corrections, please ask.
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