Could you correct my English?
I am studying English for TOEFL ibt. I would like to find someone who corrects my English.
10. “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your opinion.
I disagree with the quotation. Of course, hard work is important to success in life. I know many people who success in many fields, and all of them make effort. For example, Ichiro, who is a famous baseball player, said in an interview “I always do my best to be a better baseball player. I have my routine and have done it forever.” Because of his hard work, he became a star of people all over the world. His effort led him to his success. But I feel that luck is also important to success. When I was a freshman of university, I really wanted to start something new. I like beautiful ocean, so I decided to be a member of windsurfing team. I had never played it before. At first, I didn’t like it because I was worse among other members. I didn’t like giving it up so I went to the beach and practiced it for three years. I put in work in order to win a race in the future. Finally I won the lace in the last month which I could play windsurfing in. My rival made a mistake at the beginning of the race. Then I was supposed that I could win because the rival who always won the laces made a mistake. If her mistake didn’t happen, I wouldn’t win the lace. I felt that I had luck. We don’t know when miracle will happen. However luck can change a result which we are sure. Even though we have a kind of talent and make effort to improve the situation, we may not get good chances to make the most of our ability because of lack of luck. That is why I think luck is also needed to success in addition to hard work.
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Hi there, here is my correction to your answer.
I disagree with the quotation. Of course, hard work is important for success in life. I know many people who succeed in many fields, all of whom make effort. For example, Ichiro, who is a famous baseball player, said in an interview “I always do my best to be a better baseball player. I have my routine and have done it forever.” Because of his hard work, he became a star for people all over the world. His effort led him to his success. But I feel that luck is also important for success. When I was a freshman at university, I really wanted to start something new. I like the beautiful ocean, so I decided to be a member of windsurfing team. I had never played it before. At first, I didn’t like it because I was worse among the other members. I didn’t like giving it up so I went to the beach and practiced it for three years. I put in work in order to win a race in the future. Finally I won the race in the last month which I could play windsurfing in. My rival made a mistake at the beginning of the race. I ended up winning* because the rival who always won the races made a mistake. If her mistake hadn't happened, I wouldn’t have won the race. I felt that I had luck. We don’t know when miracles [word eliminated] happen. However, [<-comma inserted] luck can change a result of which we are sure. Even though we have a kind of talent and make effort to improve the situation, we may not get good chances to make the most of our ability because of lack of luck. That is why I think luck is also needed to succeed in addition to hard work.
* Editing the story for clarity. You said you only supposed that you would win, you didn't mention winning until after telling the story, when you were reflecting on that you only won due to her mistake. Don't dwell on details, go straight to the point: she made a mistake, you won.
Also, In your examples, you should either write "for success" or "to succeed", instead of writing "to success". The last one works if you say "here is to success" when you do cheers with drinks, or if you say "the road to success is paved with challenges", for example.
I hope this helps! Good luck!
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