Dreams of success
“Liza, Liza!” – someone called her by name.
She didn’t want to answer.
She has never liked her name, especially her maiden name. It sounds too simple, she thought.
She has always dreamt about being a famous person with evocative and quant name, being a household name.
“If only she could change her choice five years ago, what a perfect life she would have now!” – such disruptive and hazardous thoughts in her head make her feel sick.
She didn’t want to realize that nothing can be changed in past, but something can be sorted out in present.
She thought that she should live up her parents’ expectations and she failed.
She saw others evolve. She desperately wanted to be with them. She desired someone to give her a lift to her peak.
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Corrections · 2
1
Dreams of success
“Liza, Liza!” – someone called her by name.
She didn’t want to answer.
She had never liked her name, especially her maiden name. It sounded too simple, she thought.
She had always dreamt about being a famous person with an evocative and quaint name, being a household name.
“If only I could change my choice five years ago, what a perfect life I would have now!” – such disruptive and hazardous thoughts in her head made her feel sick.
She didn’t want to realize that nothing could be changed in past, but something could be sorted out in present.
She thought that she should live up her parents’ expectations and she failed.
She saw others evolve. She desperately wanted to be with them. She desired someone to give her a lift to her peak.
This was really well done. Generally speaking, in literary writing, if you start with the past tense, you use the past and the past perfect throughout (as opposed to the present and present perfect). You can start with the present tense as well, and use the present and present perfect, but you have to maintain consistency in the composition when narrating.
Quotes signify that the individual is speaking (as opposed to reported speech), so in the context of this paragraph, she would have thought about herself as "I".
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