My Idols

I have a lot of idols, for example, Ronan Parke, Avril Lavigne, Mario Maurer,
Taylor Swift, Tokio Hotel, Bigbang, Michael Jackson and Justin Bieber.
They have their own unique charms and talents.
However, my favorite idol is Leehom Wang (王力宏). He is a talented singer. He can play many musical instruments. For example, he can play the piano, the violin, the guitar, and so on. Also, his songs are very good! Such as His songs include "你不知道的事", "好心分手","柴米油盐酱醋茶", "Can You Feel My World", "Kiss Goodbye", and so on. And he also writes the songs by himself, especially the original lyrics. So many people like him very much. Now, he concentrates on the Chinese music. Of course, he is very handsome. He has many advantages, too. He is a kind man, and he is hardly ever angry with other people. So many singers or actors are his friends. When he is making his CDs, he even forgets the time and the meals. He is very earnest and gentle. I really take pride in being one of his fans!

You write well. Be more consistent with capital letters. Do not write so many short sentences. Good writers vary their sentence length, some short and some long.