Date:April 17th, Friday
I’m checking my phone now.
I should take my son to see our family doctor tomorrow, because my son has terrible hay fever.
I hope the hospital is not crowded.
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Corrections · 9
1
What you've written
Date: 17th April, Friday
I’m checking my phone now.
I should take my son to see our family doctor tomorrow, because my son has terrible hay fever.
I hope the hospital is not crowded.
Feedback
Good attempt, so well done. The grammar is also correct, except one part: You didn't need to add a comma before the word 'because'. You also didn't need to start a new line after "I'm checking my phone now."
Below is an explanation of what I have underlined:
- I'm checking my phone now - You could tell the reader why you're looking at your phone. Are you checking symptoms for hayfever and whether they require medical attention? Are you calling to book an appointment with the doctor? There's a gap between "I'm checking my phone now. I should take my son to see our family doctor...."
- I should take my son to see our family doctor tomorrow - If you say 'you should', it could be seen that you may or may not take your son to see the doctor tomorrow, even though he's experiencing significant symptoms from a pre-existing condition. Surely they would need to see a doctor?
- our family doctor - you could simplify this by saying "I need to take my son to see the doctor tomorrow."
- because my son has terrible hay fever - you can say "he has terrible hayfever" because the reader already knows who you're referring to and to avoid repeating yourself. You could have gone further with this sentence by writing about what his symptoms are, and what symptoms in particular require medical attention. Hayfever is all one word. It looks like you have used the American English way of writing it?
- I hope the hospital is not crowded - You can use a contraction and say "I hope the hospital's not crowded." You used a contraction for 'I am' so it looks like you may be familiar with contractions.
Correction/Suggestion
Date: Friday 17th April
I’m looking at my phone to check hayfever symptoms. I need to take my son to see the doctor because he has terrible hayfever—[Insert his hayfever symptoms here and what symptoms, if any, require medical attention]. I hope the hospital’s not crowded.
0
Date:April 17th, Friday
This is fine! But to be grammatically correct I would write:
Friday, April 17 (American way)
or
Friday, 17 April
Friday the 17th of April (Canadian way)
0
Date:April 17th, Friday
I’m checking my phone now.
I should take my son to see our family doctor tomorrow, because my son he has terrible hay fever.
I hope the hospital is not crowded.
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