Essay:Do you think that young children should have their own cell phones?
Cell phones have a lot of attractive functions, and of course they are useful devices to make our life convenient. However, I do not think that young children should have their own cell phones. There are two reasons that support my opinion.
First of all, cell phones are addictive. In fact, using cell phones is fun. However, people especially young children are likely to be into cell phones, and they tend to feel worry without them. Furthermore, there is a risk of causing online bullying. Young children might afraid being left out of their friends' activities that they develop an obsessive urge to constantly check their social-media feeds.
Secondly, another problem young children would have when they are given their own cell phone is effect on health. Using cell phones long time cause poor eyesight, and bad posture from craning forward to use cell phones will cause other physical problems.
Although cell phones are useful device, I believe young children should not be given their own cell phones until they can control themselves.
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Essay:Do you think that young children should have their own cell phones?
Cell phones have a lot of attractive functions, and of course they are useful devices to make our life convenient. However, I do not think that young children should have their own cell phones. There are two reasons that support my opinion.
First of all, cell phones are addictive. In fact, using cell phones is fun. However, people, especially young children, are likely to be into cell phones and they tend to feel worry anxious without them. Furthermore, there is a risk of causing online bullying. Young children might be so afraid of being left out of their friends' activities that they develop an obsessive urge to constantly check their social-media feeds.
Although cell phones are useful devices, I believe young children should not be given their own cell phones until they can control themselves.
Really good, Marie.
Notice in the phrase, "However, people, especially young children," we need to put commas to separate this inserted clause. It is extra information that is introduced into the rest of the sentence.
I have put "may cause" instead of "will" since we are talking about a possibility, not necessarily a 100% probability.
"Secondly" is a bit redundant if you then say"another".
Keep practicing! Simon.
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