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A class pre(a self introduction including hometown, high school, hobbies and English level) Could you please help me to correct my self introduction? Thanks Good morning, everyone! I am Alice, a senior student, majoring in engineering. I am glad to be here and introduce myself to you.   My hometown is China. Since 2013, I spent 3 years in senior high school. Now, I miss the campus so much. Here, I mainly studied Math, Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Languages. Specially, I love physics most. Actually I attended a creative English competition in 2015. And I got to realize that my spoken English is poor.   Then I’d like to share with you my hobbies. I am interested in both Chinese traditional culture and ancient Greek mythologies. And I like music, though I am not good at it. My favorite English song is scarborough fair. In 2013, I made my first contact with guitar by chance. And then I fell in love with it. Fortunately I came here, and learnt to play the guitar further here.   Though I am not skilled at cooking, I love eating delicious food, so… So I put on a lot of weight in the past few years….   The fourth part is my English level. I plan to study in the US for my master degree. However, lack of vocabularies and professional English lead to my poor English, especially in listening and speaking.   So, I came here to improve my English, to gain knknowledge about microbiology and to adapt to all English lessons. And I am looking forward to share a good time with you.   That’s all. Thank you.

Corrections · 5

0
This is really good. You haven't made any really bad errors, but I have made a few changes to make it more natural

A class pre(a self introduction including hometown, high school, hobbies and English level)

Could you please help me to correct my self introduction? Thanks

Good morning, everyone! I am Alice, a senior student, majoring in engineering. I am glad to be here and introduce myself to you.

My hometown is China. Since 2013, I have spent 3 years in senior high school. Now, I miss the campus so much. Here, I mainly studied Math*, Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Languages. Specially, I love physics most**. Actually I attended a creative English competition in 2015 and I began to realize that my spoken English is poor.

Now I’d like to share with you my hobbies. I am interested in both Chinese traditional culture and ancient Greek mythologies and I like music, though I am not good at it. My favorite English song is Scarborough Fair. In 2013, I made my first contact with guitar by chance. And then I fell in love with it. Fortunately I came here, and learnt*** to play the guitar better here.

Although I am not skilled at cooking, I love eating delicious food, so… So I put on a lot of weight in the past few years….

The fourth part is my English level. I plan to study in the US for my masters degree. However, lack of vocabulary and professional English lead to my poor English, especially in listening and speaking.

So, I came here to improve my English, to gain knknowledge about microbiology and to adapt to all English lessons. And I am looking forward to sharing a good time with you.

That’s all. Thank you.

*I am from the UK so I would say "maths" instead of "math" but this is fine in the USA
**Specially doesn't sound quite right and the sentence sounds better without it. You could say "Above all" instead, but in my opinion you don't need it
***"learnt" is more of a British word. I think Americans would use "learned"
0
This is very well written and easy to understand. There are only a few minor mistakes here.

  1. I am Alice, a senior student, majoring in Engineering.
  2. This sounds slightly unnatural because of "a senior student." I would expand this sentence and say "My name is Alice and I'm a senior student majoring in Engineering."
  3. I am glad to be here and introduce myself to you.
  4. I am glad to be here to introduce myself. When you use the preposition "to" instead of "and" you can eliminate "to you" to simplify the sentence.
  5. Since 2013, I spent 3 years in senior high school.
  6. Reword this sentence. "Starting in 2013, I have spent 3 years in senior high school."
  7. Now, I miss the campus so much.
  8. You don't need the word "now." You can say "I miss the campus a lot."
  9. Specially, I love physics most.
  10. Specially needs to be spelled as "especially." I would reword this sentence into "I especially love physics the most." You need "the" in front of "most."
  11. Actually I attended a creative English competition in 2015. And I got to realize that my spoken English is poor.
  12. Reword and combine these two sentences. "In 2015, I attended a creative English competition; I realized that my spoken English level is low." (You can use "low" or "poor" here, both words are OK!)
  13. Then I’d like to share with you my hobbies.
  14. Remove "then" and replace with "next." "Next, I'd like to share with you my hobbies."
  15. And I like music, though I am not good at it.
  16. This sentence should not start with "and." Change this sentence into "I also like music even though I'm not good at it."
  17. My favorite English song is scarborough fair.
  18. Song titles need to have quotation marks around them. My favorite English song is "Scarborough Fair."
  19. In 2013, I made my first contact with guitar by chance. And then I fell in love with it.
  20. Combine these two sentences. "In 2013, I stumbled across the guitar and immediately fell in love with it." The phrase, stumbled across, is similar to "by chance."
  21. Fortunately I came here, and learnt to play the guitar further here.
  22. Try to not use the same word twice. "Here" is used twice and becomes redundant. "Fortunately, I was able to come here in order to further my knowledge of the guitar."
  23. Though I am not skilled at cooking, I love eating delicious food, so… So I put on a lot of weight in the past few years….
  24. Replace "though" with "although." "Although I am not skilled at cooking, I love eating delicious food... I ended up putting on a lot of weight in the past few years."
  25. (me too I love eating food!)
  26. The fourth part is my English level.
  27. Use a transition word here. "Lastly, I would like to talk about my English level."
  28. I plan to study in the US for my master degree.
  29. Change "master degree" to "master's degree."
  30. However, lack of vocabularies and professional English lead to my poor English, especially in listening and speaking.
  31. However, my lack of vocabulary and professional level English has lead to me struggling, especially in listening and speaking.
  32. So, I came here to improve my English, to gain knknowledge about microbiology and to adapt to all English lessons. And I am looking forward to share a good time with you.
  33. Delete "so."
  34. "I came here to improve my English, gain knowledge about microbiology, and adapt to learning English. I am looking forward to sharing a good time with everyone."
  35. You don't need "to improve...to gain knowledge...to adapt." You only need to say "to" once in the beginning.


I hope this helps you! Great job! If you want to practice English with me, please look at my page. Thank you!

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