I wached ''glee''
I've been watching glee.
I finished to watche glee once.
Then I watched It in Japanese.
But now I've been watched it in English.
I will introduce first episode.
First episode was very Impressive for me.
I don't like musical movie and drama until I watched it.
Because musical is very boring for me.
They sing songs that ther lines.
But glee casts sing cool songs.
There are trendy songs, Impressed songs, hit songs.
The first episode was that glee club made by a teacher.
All of member are bullied children.
But they have good voice.
They want to be the one who is a special person.
But a teacher quit the job In the middle.
His son will born.So He have to change his job.
but his colleague persuaded him.
Because if he away, glee club is supposed to disappear.
And glee club history began.
They sang don't stop believe in.
I was moved it.
The lyrics are very impact!
The song taught me that It is important to believe in myself.
That's it.
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Corrections · 4
0
I wached ''glee''
I've been watching glee.
I finished to watching glee once.
I will introduce the first episode.
The first episode was very Impressive for to me.
I don't didn't like musical movies and dramas until I watched it this, because musicals is are very boring for to me.
They sing songs that are their lines, But glee casts sing cool songs.
There are trendy songs, impressive songs, and hit songs.
The first episode was that about glee club, made by a teacher.
All of the members are bullied children, but they have good voices.
They want to be the one who is a special person, but the teacher quit the job In the middle because his son will be born so he have had to change his job.
They sang "don't stop believe in believing".
I was moved by it.
The lyrics are very impactful!
The song taught me that It is important to believe in myself.
That's it.
______________________________
Notes
This is an awesome notebook. I commend you on your effort and your outstanding progress, great job! I hope you don't mind my corrections, I tried my best to keep the story in your own words and still perfect minor flaws.
Although, if I could recommend one thing to you, it would be joining your sentences. Your writing is understandable and it gets the main points of the story covered, but by joining your sentences it will hold more meaning.
Try joining more sentences.
For Example:
I have to go to work. Because I need to make a living.
You can join these. Turn two sentences into one.
1) I have to go to work, because I need to make a living.
Or
2) Because I need to make a living, I have to go to work.
By eliminating the period between the two sentences you would be skipping over a brief pause, making readers more engaged. Think of it this way. Let's say that we are speaking in public face to face. When you speak to someone your sentences will flow naturally, just like in writing. Try not to create a longer pause than needed. Using a coma in place for a period will create a shorter pause, just make sure the combination is appropriate.
For example:
Combining sentences
colorcode: incorrect / correct
I saw a cat. It was cute.
I saw a cat, it was cute.
In this scenario we could use a coma because it was appropriate, the topics were related. Now i'll show you an example of sentences that cannot be combined.
My friends are nice. I like pizza.
My friends are nice, I like pizza.
We can't combine these sentences because they have nothing to do with eachother.
The last bit of advice I would give you is to refrain from starting sentences with the words "because, so, and". It's definitely fine if you're using these at the beginning of casual sentences with friends and such, but in professional settings I would stay away from them unless they're used for joining sentences.
Do not begin sentences with:
Because / so / and
______________________________
Conclusion
Wow, you told a great story! You took an everyday event and you expressed how it made you feel and unraveled an entire plot in great, comprhensive english. Your story also teaches others to try new things even if we think we don't like them, we should be openminded and try them.
You should be proud! Beautiful work! Keep believing in yourself, have a good day. Let me know if you have any questions!
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I watched ''Glee''
I've been watching Glee.
I finished watching Glee once.
I watched it first in Japanese, and then I watched
it in English.
I will introduce the first episode.
The first episode was very impressive to for me.
I didn’t like musical movies and dramas until I watched it, because a musical is very boring for to me.
They sing songs that are their lines. But the Glee cast sing cool songs.
They are trendy songs, impressive songs, and hit songs.
The first episode was that about the Glee club made being started by a teacher.
All of member are bullied children.
But they have good voices.
They all want to be the someone who is special person.
But the teacher quit his job In the middle of the episode as his son was born. So he wanted to get a different job. His colleague persuaded him that Because if he went away, Glee club is supposed to would disappear.
And so the Glee club history story began.
They sang “Don’t stop believing “
I was moved by it.
The lyrics are very impactful !
The song taught me that It is important to believe in myself.
That's it.
Well done. If you like my corrections please look at my teaching profile and book me for a trial lesson. I can help you with your reading, writing and speaking.
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