Please, help to find mistakes!
Dear Mr Brown,
I am writing to tell you that I want to fulfill my job in the head office of our company in Brazil for the next half a year.
The main reason of this is a possibility to improve my skills in management. My aim is to become a senior manager in our company. To achieve this goal I need to have more practice with difficult cases, which are usually implemented in the head office. That is why I would like to spend next six months working in the head office.
During my absence the most part of my job could be done by my colleagues. I have already spoken with some of them. They did not mind it. Moreover, they said that they would be happy to have opportunity to develop their own skills dealing with my tasks. In addition, I also could fulfill some of my duties like remote worker.
I would be grateful if you could help me with organizing my rotation to the head office. Please, respond me at the earliest convenience.
Sincerely yours,
Mary R.
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Corrections · 3
1
Please, help to find mistakes!
Dear Mr Brown,
I am writing to tell you that I want to fulfil l my job in the head office of our company in Brazil for the next half a year.
No mistakes above but when writing to seniors or business associates, better to express it as a request IMO. So here is my suggestion—I am writing to request a transfer to our company's head office in Brazil for the next half a year.
The main reason of this is a for the chance possibility to improve my skills in management. My aim is to become a senior manager in our company. To achieve this goal, I need to have more practice with difficult more challenging cases, which are usually implemented in the head office. That is why I would like to spend the next six months working in at the head office. (this last sentence I feel is a little redundant)
During my absence, the most part of my job work/duties could be done by my colleagues. I have already spoken with some of them . T and they did not mind it (or ... and they kindly agreed to it). Moreover, they said that they would be happy to have opportunity to develop their own skills dealing with my tasks by taking over my duties while I am away. In addition, I also could also fulfil l some of my duties like remote worker by working remotely. (I'm not sure if this is what you meant say, I'm guessing)
I would be grateful if you could [seriously consider my request and] help me with organizing organize my rotation to the head office. Please, respond me at the your earliest convenience. [Thank you./ or Thank you for your attention to this.]
Sincerely yours,
Mary R.
It's quite well written. Grammatically not many mistakes. My suggestions are more to do with style and tone. In square brackets [... ] are optional.
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