College annual show
I had a trully magical evening when I went to see my college annual show with my ten-years-old nephew last week. It was my first live show I had been to and it won´t be the last.
It was set in central park, behind police station. The show started with a trending national song.
It tell the story of a woman who lost her whole family.Perhaps, I should point out that she is always singing and happy. She is obviously the main character.
The most entertainemet part came when she has to find a new job while she is still working with her ancient boss. We couldn´t stop smiling each time she lie him. Not only she try to trick him but also she is a very fantastic actress with everyone around.
Most men and women are of the opinion that was one of the best college shows in year. It is intimately related with Paul, the new show manager. He has a lot to teach
Definitly, the show has been worth the wait. Whatever your age it won´t be missed
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 4
1
College annual show
I had a trully magical evening with my ten year old nephew at my college's annual show last week. It was my first live show I had been to and it won´t be the last.
It was set in central park, behind the police station. The show started with a trending national song.
It told the story of a woman who lost her whole family. Perhaps, I should point out that she is always singing and happy. She is obviously the main character.
The most entertaining part came when she has to find a new job while she is still working with her ancient minded boss. We couldn´t stop smiling each time she lied to him. Not only did she try to trick him but also she is a very fantastic actress interacting with everyone around.
Most of the audience were of the opinion that it was one of the best college shows in years. The success appeal and entertainment value is obviously due to the skill charisma and dedication of Paul, the new show manager. He has a lot to teach.
Definitly, the show has been worth the wait. Whatever your age it won´t be leave you disappointed.
Alternative to sentence three.
The play tells the story of a woman who lost her whole family. Perhaps, I should point out that she is always singing and happy. She is obviously the main character. [from the past looking back factual perspective].
The play told the story [is from your own personal looking back and reviewing the play perspective]
The boss can't be ancient or is unlikely to be ancient, he could be extremely old, but is he ancient or just ancient in his attitude.
Ancient.
ADJECTIVE
- belonging to the very distant past and no longer in existence.
Ancient
now archaic in english but may still be used on rare occasions or seen in old books
Ancient = a very old man [no longer used often in current English]
but you could use it for your text with a little rewriting.
"----- while she is still working with her ancient boss who hasn't modernised his/her thinking"
1
College annual show
I had a trully magical evening when I went to see my college annual show with my ten-years-old nephew last week. It was my first live show I had been to and it won´t be the last.
It was set in Central Park, behind the police station. The show started with a trending national song.
It tells the story of a woman who lost her whole family.Perhaps, I should point out that she is always singing and happy. She is obviously the main character.
The most entertainemet entertaining part came when she has to find a new job while she is still working with her ancient boss. We couldn´t stop smiling each time she lied to him. Not only did she try to trick him, but also she is a very fantastic actress with everyone around.
Most men and women are of the opinion that it was one of the best college shows in years. It is intimately related with Paul, the new show manager. He has a lot to teach (these last two sentences are a bit unclear - I think I get the ideas but they could possibly be written differently)
Definitely, the show has been worth the wait. Whatever your age, it won´t should not be missed.
Well done, this was very clear. I would say you are at a point in your English writing where you can "play" with the construction of the sentences. As for those 2, something like "Paul, the show manager, has dedicated a lot of time to the production. He has a lot to give as a teacher." Keep up the good work!
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
