A stroy
On a peaceful and cloudy day, Jane went outside without anything, even her favourite and
valuable iPad as well as the purse. After a long time of setting on the chair and train her best to
participate in Plato Seminar which is really difficult for her. Now, it was so excited that she got a
chance to be released out from this stressful and gloomy area.
Jane quickly walked towards the stairs thinking about what kind of thing she would like to do.
Suddenly, a shadow of a heigh person appeared on her way to the street. It was her classmate
Crystal. After she went down four stairs, she was totally exhausted.
She pulled the gate and arrived at the central of the downtown. Cars and pedestrians streamed
on the street. She kept moving forwards attracted by the bustling city. After a while, she
looked down at the ground and around, realizing she was on the crossroad. She didn’t know
where she should go since she was not good at making choice, and her mind was already
disturbed by the buzzing dazzling city.
Jane’s short journey from the building to the crossroad is just like out life, After we admired
different scenery along wit the path, the time for us to make decision would suddenly come to
us. As a youngster, never addicts with sunning views. It is better for a student to be ready to
choose the road he/she want to explore, or the student will be like Jane who always stops on
the forks of road
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 3
1
A story
On a peaceful and cloudy day, Jane went outside, taking nothing with her, not even her favourite and
valuable iPad or her purse.
("Favourite iPad" makes it sound like she has many iPads!)
She had spent a long time of sitting in a chair and trying her best to participate in a Plato Seminar, which was really difficult for her.
(If you say "After (doing something)..." it has to be followed with a second action. E.g. "After relaxing on the beach for a while, she went for a swim.")
Now, it was so exciting that she got a chance to leave out from this stressful and gloomy area. Jane quickly walked towards the stairs thinking about what kind of thing she would like to do. Suddenly, the shadow of a tall person appeared on her way to the street.
(You can't use high to describe people.)
It was her classmate Crystal. After she going down four flights of stairs, she was totally exhausted. She opened the gate and went at the central of the downtown. Cars and pedestrians streamed through the street. She kept moving forwards, attracted by the bustling city. After a while, she looked down at the ground and then looked around, realizing she was at a crossroads. She didn’t know where she should go since she was not good at making choices, and her mind was already distracted by the buzzing, dazzling city.
("Disturbed" is quite negative. If she was disturbed by the city, it means the city upset or frightened her.)
Jane’s short journey from the building to the crossroads is just like our life. After we have admired the different kinds of scenery along wit the path, the time for us to make a decision would suddenly comes upon us. As a youngster, never get addicted to the stunning views. It is better for a student to be ready to choose the road he/she wants to explore, otherwise they will be like Jane who always stops at the forks in the road.
1
A story
On a peaceful and cloudy day, Jane went outside without anything, not even her favourite and
valuable iPad as well as the or her [a] purse. She had spent a long time of sitting in a chair and trying her best to participate in a Plato Seminar which was really difficult for her and now, she was so excited to get a chance to be released out from this stressful and gloomy space. Jane walked quickly towards the stairs thinking about what kind of thing she would like to do. Suddenly, a shadow of a tall person appeared on her way to the street. It was her classmate Crystal. [I don't understand the meaning of the shadow named Crystal in terms of the story.] After she went down four stairs, she was totally exhausted. [Do you mean four flights of stairs, because four steps is not very far.] She opened the gate and arrived at the center of the downtown. Cars and pedestrians streamed by on the street. She kept moving forward, attracted by the bustling city. After a while, she looked around and down at the ground and realized that she was at the crossroad. She didn’t know where she should go since she was not good at making choices, and her mind was already disturbed by the buzzing, dazzling city.
Jane’s short journey from the building to the crossroad is just like real life. After we admire
different scenery along wit the path, the time for us to make a decision will come suddenly. to
the fork in the road. [What is wrong with stopping at the fork in the road?]
Good effort. Interesting message although I'm not sure I understand the meaning. Let me know if you have any questions about my corrections.]
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