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Please help to check my essay~ This essay is based on a comic, which is shows a woman want to do a cosmetic surgery~~ It could be said that nowadays, more and more people are chasing the “Beautiful". This does not mean, however, we must go face lifting. As is depicted in the comic, there are a woman holding some photos with facial features. We can see many beautiful people in the media, the strange thing is, they all look like each other. It’s not wrong to change your looks in pursuit of beauty, but we shouldn’t lose our unique personality appearance. The primary reasons of my point are as follows: First, we can use other ways to improve our outlooking. Such as reading, fitness, or learn some new skills in your free time, to improve your temperament. Second, as the saying goes, "the body is affected by your parents", we can’t easily change your appearance without thinking. Last but not least, we should know that cosmetic surgery has many unstable, dangerous factors. Actually, if you want to be the most charming women in the world, the key point isn’t your gorgeous appearance, but is your connotation. The most importantly is your inner beauty, which is depends on your heart, and that is exactly real beauty what you want.

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I've highlighted some things in bold that I would personally change, hope that it's useful for you :)

It could be said that nowadays, more and more people are chasing the “Beautiful". This does not mean, however, we must all go and get face lifts. As is depicted in the comic, there is a woman holding some photos with facial features.
We can see many beautiful people in the media - the strange thing is that they all look like each other. It’s not wrong to change your looks in pursuit of beauty, but we shouldn’t lose our unique appearance. The primary reasons for this are as follows:
Firstly, we can use other ways to improve our outlook on life such as reading, fitness, or learning some new skills in your free time to improve your temperament.
Secondly, as the saying goes, "the body is affected by your parents"; we can’t easily change our appearance without thinking.
Last but not least, we should know that cosmetic surgery has many unstable, dangerous factors.
Actually, if you want to be the most charming women in the world, the key point isn’t your gorgeous appearance, but rather your connotation. The most important thing is your inner beauty which depends on your heart, and that is the real beauty that you want.

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