Please edit my notebook entry
Sitting beneath this glistening moon and enjoying the serenity of this night. Asking myself my favourite question, How unfair is it? Praising moon for the beauty it takes from the sun.
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Corrections · 11
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Please edit my notebook entry
Sitting beneath this glistening moon and enjoying the serenity of this night, I ask myself my favourite question. How unfair is it for praising the moon for the beauty it takes from the sun ?
Very poetical and well written ! Only a few small changes needed.
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Please edit my notebook entry
Sitting beneath this glistening moon and enjoying the serenity of this night. Asking myself my favourite question, How unfair is it? Praising moon for the beauty it takes from the sun.
There is nothing wrong with that either poetically or grammatically. Any corrections would just be differences of opinion.
To convert to an older style of poetry you could try this.
Sitting beneath glistening moon enjoying the serenity of (this )night. Asking, How unfair is it? Praising moon for the beauty it takes from the sun.
(this) is optional if you want to specify that specific night you need it otherwise to specify the general mood of that type of night you can leave it out.
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Please edit my notebook entry
Sitting beneath the glistening moon and enjoying the serenity of this night, asking myself my favourite question: How unfair is it to praise the moon for the beauty it takes from the sun?Very poetic :) A few small style changes:
The first clause reads better if you change one "this" into "the". Either one would work.
It is understood that you are asking yourself, so avoid two consecutive "my"s by omitting "myself".
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Thanks a lot
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I love the poetic image this creates in my mind. probably because I could have caught myself asking a very similar question.
Wel corrected Greg:
Sitting beneath this glistening moon and enjoying the serenity of this night, I ask myself my favorite question. How unfair is it for praising the moon for the beauty it takes from the sun?
From me;
In the spirit of learning, and respecting poetic freedom of words choice I could only add that "glistening moon" might be changed for shinning or reflecting. This is only as Glisten definition is - to give off a sparkling or lustrous reflection of or as if of a moist or polished surface. very much like the sparkle in an eye, the reflection of light off water or a diamond.
I will be looking at the moon tonight as it passes through the constellation of Scorpio, in the southern hemisphere. I might also mention the bright star in Scorpio now is Jupiter, whos moons can be viewed ever so slightly with a binocular.
Regards Riaan K
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