Corrections · 7
Practice Essay 4 - TOEFL iBT Writing (part 1)
Everybody/we all have feared/been afraid in our lives* since it is a natural emotion and a reaction to a threat or a potential danger. Sometimes, threats and dangers can come from anything irrational*, such as spiders or dark places. In my case, I was afraid of speaking in public when I was a teenager. Nevertheless, I had to overcome my fear because I had assessed activities in high school. It wasn’t easy at the beginning, but I will explain in the following two paragraphs how I finally overcame my fear of speaking in public.
First, I started by writing down the worst thing that could happen if I made a mistake in front of classmates. It didn’t seem to be a good way of confronting fear, though. I started thinking about my classmates making fun of me because I couldn’t speak well in my presentation. However, after two weeks, this exercise helped me to realize that making mistakes wasn’t the end of the world, but a great way of learning. For instance, while reading about insecurities I found an interesting story about a woman who was constantly afraid of failure. As a result, she ended up trapped in a circle which led her to lose really good opportunities. Moved for her desire to change she started writing a diary and thanks to that she found out that failure wasn’t something to be afraid of. This example and my experience demonstrate that writing can be a great way of changing our mindsets.
*"LIVE" DOES NOT MEAN "LIFE", BUT HERE THE WORD LIFE IS IN PLURAL AND WHEN THIS WORD IS CHANGED TO PLURAL THE LETTER "F" CHANGES TO V+ES, IT IS LIFE= SINGULAR, LIVES= PLURAL OF LIFE. IT IS NOT THE PLURAL OF LIVE BECAUSE LIVE MEANS ANOTHER THING.( SOMETIMES IS BELIEVED THAT LIVES IS THE PLURAL OF LIVE).
* FEARS and spiders ARE IRRATIONAL BUT THREATS AND DANGERS can come from anything irrational.( I think in this way the sentence sounds more fluent and more understandable)
-"EVERYBODY" IS A SYNONYM FOR "WE ALL", BOTH ARE RIGHT.
-I THINK THE WORD "PLACES" IS MORE SUITABLE THAN "SPACES" IN THIS CONTEXT.
I would appreciate any corrections.
Practice Essay 4 - TOEFL iBT Writing (part 1)
We all have experienced fear in our lives since it is a natural emotion, a reaction to a threat or a potential danger. Sometimes the threats and dangers can be irrational, such as spiders or dark spaces. In my case, I was afraid of speaking in public when I was a teenager. Nevertheless, I had to overcome my fear because I had assessed (was graded? in american english I wouldnt say assessed.) activities (so.... overcome my fear because I was graded on public speaking...) in high school. It wasn’t easy at the beginning, but I will explain in the following two paragraphs how I finally overcame my fear of speaking in public.First, I started by writing down the worst thing that could happen if I made a mistake in front of classmates. It didn’t seem to be a good way of confronting fear, (i wouldn't put a comma here... i don't know what the rule is though) though. I started thinking about my classmates making fun of me because I couldn’t speak well in my presentation. However, after two weeks, this exercise helped me to realize that making mistakes wasn’t the end of the world, (there is no comma here, you only need one when both sides of "but" are complete sentences) but a great way of learning. For instance, while reading about insecurities I found an interesting story about a woman who was constantly afraid of failure. As a result, she ended up trapped in a circle which led her to lose really good opportunities. Moved for her desire to change, (i would also put a comma here) she started writing a diary (because both sides of "and" are complete sentences your need a comma) and, (add commas before and after "thanks for that") thanks to that, she found out that failure wasn’t something to be afraid of. This example and my experience demonstrate that writing can be a great way of changing our mindsets.
I would appreciate any corrections.
everything is really great, but commas can be confusing in english
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