I will be appreciative if someone can give my writing some feedbacks.
No one denies the idea that parents play a pivotal role in children development. It is even strongly suggested that children ideally expend most their spare time with their parents. However, there exists an opposing view, assuming that children should also spend part of their childhood with their peers. This essay will discuss both views and reach the conclusion.
On the one hand, it may appear advisable for children to live with their parents exclusively. Some parents believe that this the best way in which they educate ground rules such as character, code of conduct and other proper behavior. In fact, parents can monitor children’s development directly and even can make some necessary anticipations if their children misbehave. This also minimizes the children to receive any bullying both verbally or physically from their peers which may lead to distract children’s mentality development in the future. Although children are strongly suggested to expend most of their time with their parents, this does not mean they are not encouraged to interact with their peers because they also need to develop their interpersonal and social skills through interaction with their peers.
On the other hand, we also have to ask whether this view is applicable or not in modern society since the parents tend to work eight hours a day (for instance) in capital cities where its living cost demands them to produce more money to meet their basic needs. This means that parents cannot be always available for the children during rush hour. Therefore, childcare will be a viable option for them. The children will have a lot of times to socialise with their peers in the childcare, meaning that they will develop their social skills naturally. This appears to be a suitable learning environment if it is conducted under careful supervision from nurses, hopefully bullying can be minimised among children during the class in the childcare.
In conclusion, while children should expend most of the time with their parents, they also need to have more space to interact with their peers, hoping that they would develop their social skills through interaction. It is all about balancing portion between spending time with parents and interaction because both of them are crucial in children development in the early age.
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I will be appreciative if someone can give my writing some feedbacks.
IELTS Writing task 2Question:
Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families.
Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both
sides, and say which side you personally support.
Answer:
No one denies the idea that parents play a pivotal role in children a or their child's/their children's development. It is even strongly suggested that children ideally expend should spend most of their spare time with their parents. However, there exists an opposing view, assuming suggesting/proposing that children should also spend part of their childhood with their peers. This essay will discuss both views and reach the a conclusion.
On the one hand, it may appear advisable for children to live with their parents exclusively. Some parents believe that this is the best way in which they can educate teach/impart ground rules fundamentals such as character, code of conduct and other proper behaviour. In fact, parents can monitor children’s a/their child's development directly and can even can make some necessary anticipations (?? interventions?) if their children misbehave. This also minimizes the children child to receive experiencing any bullying, both either verbally or physically, from their peers which may lead to distract disrupt children’s the child's mentality mental development in the future. Although children are strongly suggested to it is strongly suggested that children should expend spend most of their time with their parents, this does not mean they are not should not be encouraged to interact with their peers because they also need to develop their interpersonal and social skills through interaction with their peers.
Well written Aris.. it looks like a lot of mistakes, but not really.. It is very understandable. What you are saying is quite complex, so I have tried to help it sound more natural..
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