Freak Out
I always get tongue-tied when I have to talk to people in my own language. Until one day, something happened.
I was on a train going on holidays with my friend. There was a middle-aged man, sat facing me. He didn't seem friendly, I could see that he sometimes looked at my friend out of the corner of his eyes. My friend could feel the same thing. I whispered at her, asking if she wanted me to tell him to stop looking at her. She nodded slowly.
I was about to speak to him, then he took something out of the pocket on his shabby shirt. It was a packet of cigarette. He lit it without any hesitation. Good grief! Didn't he know that it's prohibited to smoke on the train?
All of sudden, he sneered at me as if he could read my mind. I couldn't believe what I saw. I tried so hard to keep myself calm until there was a loud noise coming from behind the man's seat. A baby cried and coughed at the same time.
The man didn't only ignore the cry of the baby, he kept smoking unceasingly. I asked him politely several times, with my broken Chinese, to put off his cigarettes. He didn't show any response, not the least bit of attention. Then, a train-officer was walking towards us, collecting tickets from passengers. I stopped him and asked his help to warn the man. He responded in a haste, said he would come back.
I waited and waited, the officer didn't show up. The room started to fill with smoke, the baby cried louder, but no one did something. I couldn't hold myself back anymore.
Suddenly, I snatched his cigarettes out of his mouth without anyone realizing it. He was shocked. I gave him an intense look, my brain shouted to me saying he would definitely hit me.
Surprisingly, he didn't. He gave me an awkward expression which I could hardly understand what was in his mind.
My friend asked me to promise her that I would never act like that. It was the most insane decision I've ever made.
Thank you for reading my story.
Any grammar corrections, suggestions for naturalness, or writing style are highly appreciated.
Regards,
Terecia
Image source: Background vector created by brgfx - www.freepik.com
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Corrections · 8
1
Freak Out
I always get tongue-tied when I have to talk to people in my own language. Until one day, something happened.I was on a train going on holidays with my friend. There was a middle-aged man, sat facing me. He didn't seem friendly, I could see that he sometimes looked at my friend out of the corner of his eyes. My friend could feel the same thing. I whispered at her, asking if she wanted me to tell him to stop looking at her. She nodded slowly.
I was about to speak to him, then he took something out of the pocket on his shabby shirt. It was a packet of cigarettes. He lit a cigarette without any hesitation. Good grief! Didn't he know that it's prohibited to smoke on the train?
All of a sudden, he sneered at me as if he could read my mind. I couldn't believe what I saw. I tried so hard to keep myself calm until there was a loud noise coming from behind the man's seat. A baby cried and coughed at the same time.
The man didn't only ignore the cry of the baby, he kept smoking unceasingly. I asked him politely several times, with my broken Chinese, to put out his cigarette. He didn't show any response, not the least bit of attention. Then, a train-officer was walking towards us, collecting tickets from passengers. I stopped him and asked his help to warn the man. He responded in a haste, said he would come back.
I waited and waited, the officer didn't show up. The room started to fill with smoke, the baby cried louder, but no one did anything. I couldn't hold myself back anymore.
Suddenly, I snatched his cigarettes out of his mouth without anyone realizing it. He was shocked. I gave him an intense look, my brain shouted to me saying he would definitely hit me.
Surprisingly, he didn't. He gave me an awkward expression which I could hardly understand what was in his mind.
My friend asked me to promise her that I would never act like that. It was the most insane decision I've ever made.
Thank you for reading my story.
Any grammar corrections, suggestions for naturalness, or writing style are highly appreciated.
Regards,
Terecia
Not many corrections need it is well written and natural and expressive.
"all of a sudden" = the correct full expression.
"no-one did anything" = "no-one did a single thing" <- you may on odd occasions hear a few natives phrase it like this
"I wanted someone to do something" = you wanted anybody/someone to do some thing anything.
You said he took a packet of cigarettes = correct, but he would only smoke one cigarette, he would not lit the packet of cigarettes.
only a single cigarette.
Image source: Background vector created by brgfx - www.freepik.com
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