A Master and a Servant

I enjoyed the bits of humour that you have injected into your story. 

I would like to share some comments on your writing:

(1) Although "noble" is a noun to describe someone of noble birth, I have decided to standardise your writing and use "nobleman" instead since you have used "nobleman" throughout the rest of your story.

(2) You do not need "back" as an adverb because "home" is actually an adverb here. (e.g. I am going (verb) home (adverb).)

(3) The past tense of "lose" is "lost", not "loosed".

(4) I decided to use "suddenly" because I feel that there is a sudden focus shift: The previous sentence mentioned about a lost battle and the journey home while the current sentence abruptly turned the readers' attention to someone shouting. Therefore, I used "suddenly" to bring in the idea that a sudden action i.e. shouted) interrupted an ongoing action (i.e. were walking). 

(5) "Thou art" --> "You are"

(6) We need a comma (,) to separate someone's speech from the rest of the sentence. 

(7) We can say that the arrow "flew", but the arrow has to "pierce" something.

(8) "thy" --> "your" 

(9) Take a look at the difference: "I don't pay attention in class." versus "I won't pay attention in class." "won't" expresses the meaning that you have deliberately made a choice not to pay attention  (you were up to some mischief and bent on making the teacher cry.) Similarly, I used "won't" to indicate that the servant has made up his mind on something. 

I hope this helps. 

A master and a servant

Hello, you did a really good job, you should use it! Shakespearean English can be very difficult, but I enjoy it a lot, too.  The specific quote, "A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse" is one of his most famous lines, and almost everybody has heard it before (even if they don't know what it's supposed to mean).  Let me know if you have any questions!