Why do I come to RIA
I used to be a pediatrician in China and I wanted to help all of my lovely patients overcome the sickness. However, there are still a lot of incurable diseases take many lives away. The mission of a clinical doctor is to help patients, but what if I become a researcher, can I help more people and save more lives? Thinking about this, I decided to make my own contribution to the medical development. I chose to focus on infectious diseases which are the most common but dangerous illnesses for children. RIA is one of the most famous institutes concentrating on microbiology and immunology. It can offer me a great deal of chance to learn the cutting-edge knowledge and help me achieve my goal.
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Corrections · 9
1
Why do I come to RIA
I used to be a pediatrician in China and I wanted to help all of my lovely patients overcome their sickness (sickness 在这里不应该加"the"). However, there are still a lot of incurable diseases that take many lives away. The mission of a clinical doctor is to help patients, but what if I become a researcher? (这里还是得分拆成另一个句子) Could I help more people and save more lives? After thinking (连词) about this, I decided that I wanted (你做了要贡献的决定而不是决定要贡献了，所以加 "that I wanted") to make my own contribution to the medical development. I chose to focus on infectious diseases which are the most common but dangerous illnesses for children. RIA is one of the most famous institutes concentrating that concentrates on microbiology and immunology. It can offer me a great deal of many chances to learn the cutting-edge knowledge and help me achieve my goal.整体来说你掌握时态还算好的。
要注意：
Conjunction 连词 的用法。
"The" 冠词 的用法。
1
Why do I come I came to RIA
I used to be a pediatrician in China and I wanted to help all of my lovely patients overcome the sickness. However, there are still a lot of incurable diseases that take many lives away. The mission of a clinical doctor is to help patients, but what if I become a researcher, can I help more people and save more lives? Thinking about this, I decided to make my own contribution to the medical development. I chose to focus on infectious diseases which are the most common but and most dangerous infectious diseases for children. RIA is one of the most famous institutes concentrating on microbiology and immunology. It can offer me a great deal of chance to learn the cutting-edge knowledge and help me achieve my goal.0
ありがとう〜kotokotoさん＾＾
0
素晴らしい目標ですね。読んでいてとても感動しました。
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