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Six feet under... (a short story) Hello! I came up with a short fiction story. I appreciate any corrections. Enjoy reading! My soul lies six feet underground. No, I'm still alive, or rather, my body. It still wakes up in the morning, falls asllep when it pleases, eats, relieves itself, do things that don't matter. The body just obeys the impulse of the life, it drags slowly by inertia from it's birth till the death, decay and oblivion. In fact it's already dead, it's just an empty mechanism... springs are stretched, a soft creak of cogwheels is heard... Clockwork doll performing a simple algorithm. The body is made of cheap pieces that go wrong and break all the time. The most amazing piece is the mask that copies a human's face. When the body is damaged, the mask is artfully expressing a heart-rending grimace of pain; when it's in danger, the mask is like a chameleon changing it's color and becomes white like a chalk surface. Anyway it's just a part of a programm of a skillfull creator who made this body because of boredom, just for fun... the mechanism is set up and the performance has started. There was a soul too which was imprisoned in a ruby color stone, the core of the mechanism. However the body was so imperfect and the soul leaked out through numerous cracks and defects, like water leaks out of a cracked vessel, because the soul can't be deceived by empty illusions. Sprinkling the ground it got deeper with rainwater. The soul is still there and it will remain there till the end of time, till the last mechanical body falls apart, till the last star blows, till the universe becomes a tiny point that will explode and everything will start from the beginning. Thanks for reading my story. Do you like it? What do you think of it? Have a nice day! ;)

Corrections · 3

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Six Feet Under... (a short story)

Hello! I came up with a short fiction story. I'd appreciate any corrections. Enjoy reading!

My soul lies six feet underground. No, I'm still alive, or rather, my body. It still wakes up in the morning, falls asleep when it pleases, eats, relieves itself, does things that don't matter. The body just obeys the impulse of the life, it drags itself slowly by inertia from cradle to grave, decay and oblivion. In fact it's already dead - it's just an empty mechanism... springs are stretched, the soft creak of cogwheels is heard... a clockwork doll performing a simple algorithm. The body is made of cheap pieces that go bad and break all the time. The most amazing piece is the mask that copies a human's face. When the body is damaged, the mask is artfully expresses a heart-rending grimace of pain. When it's in danger, the mask is like a chameleon changing it's color and becomes white as chalk. Anyway it's just a part of the program of a skillful creator who made this body out of boredom, just for fun... the mechanism is set up and the performance has started. There was a soul, too, which was imprisoned in a ruby color stone, the core of the mechanism. However the body was so imperfect and the soul leaked out through numerous cracks and defects, like water leaks out of a cracked vessel, because the soul can't be deceived by empty illusions. Sprinkling the ground, it got deeper with rainwater. The soul is still there and it will remain there until the end of time, until the last mechanical body falls apart, until the last star goes out, until the universe becomes a tiny point that will explode and everything will start over from the beginning.
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First of all, let me say that your English is astoundingly good. I'm a professional editor for a major publication and I treated your piece as I would anything that comes across my desk - I feel with your level of proficiency, you deserve that. I've given you grammatical corrections in green, and stylistic/idiomatic suggestions in yellow. Please let me know if you have any questions. Good job!

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