IELTS #3: Taking care of the elderly

In Japan, when people get old, they often go and live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them.
Sometimes, the government has to pay for the cost.
Who should be responsible for old people?
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Nowadays, the aging population is increasingly problematic in many developed countries.
There has been considerable debate whether the government should be responsible for providing all old people with funds for social and medical services.

Some critics claim that the government should take more responsibility for the elderly and introduce more effective measures.
Many old people in Japan are sent to nursing home where they will be looked after by professional nurses.
Those who support the system say that it is not practicable for their children to do everything while being busy working every day.
Supporters also believe that the government should not push the younger generation to take care of their own parents, but lessen the burden because we all live in the same society and need to help each other.
If the old people are in poor health and do not have sufficient amounts of money to live after retirement, then the governments should provide social services for them.

Others oppose that it should not be totally the government's duty.
They argue that it is not viable to look after all old people in nursing homes due to the financial difficulties.
Indeed, it is more practically if each family pays a certain amount of the cost with the government's support.
If the elderly are looked after at home with their children, they will be happier than with professional nurses.
Some research has also shown that younger pople who live with their grandparents tend to benefit from the experience and wisdom.

In my opinion, neither side is right or wrong because each family has a different situation.
More importantly, we need to look at how to take care of our old people rather than blaming who should take responsibility on each other.
It is also important to raise awareness of the aging problems and we all should tackle them to improve our society.

I think this is very well written! However, the sentence that I bolded should be reworded. I can understand what you are trying to say, but I think it would sound better if it read as

"Others are in opposition of having the government take full duty of eldery care" or something like that.

Saying "others oppose it should not be totally the government's duty" sounds like those people are don't want the government to have full duty, which I think is the opposite of what you want to say.

You can also say this: "Others propose the idea that it should not be totally up to the government to provide the elderly care"

I hope I helped!