Deepth in my heat

For most people, youth means happiness and cheerfulness, but to me, it was just blue and gray because I loved a boy who did not seem to love me. 
In Chinese tradition, girls are always withholding their feelings. They always waited and waited for the boys to initiate a relationship. So did I.
I did do all the things I could do. I went to his school to visit him, and I gave him a lot of hints, but still there was not any in return. During that time, my life was filled with assumption and tears, but I still couldn't give up. At last, before I was leaving for a city far away, I sent a letter to him. I told him all about the things I did and the feelings I had for him. I thought this will stop because I was going away to a place I didn't even know. If he still did not respond, I would give up forever. 

Life was so ironic. My departure date was put off for two days, and I received his letter. He told me that he had the same feelings for me, but dating was not allowed by his parents at that time, so he was never able to do anything. He asked me to give him my new adress. I bursted in tears. It almost seemed like I already had the things I wanted.

He still left me alone for other reasons after that. Friends told me not be sad because he was not the one for me, and he was just a person who was sent to me to test me. 

For years, deep in my heart, I could not forget it -- not the boy, just the things I did in my youth.