In my opinion, using a computer everyday effects on 1 children negatively. Firstly, children are easily addicted. For example, once they start to play games on the Internet, they continue to play it them and won't leave in front of the computer. It may cause disturbing healthy sleep and cause 2 visual loss. Secondly, a computer disrupts children's study studies. Some people may argue that a computer makes it easier to access academic resources, thus, children can study more efficiently. However, this advantage also works to the contrary. Thanks to computers, now children can jump site to site by following their curiosity, and possibly children find themselves in the site that is irrelevant for their study. Also, children can pretend that as if 3 they are engaging in their study. For instance, children open both academic and irrelevant sites in advance. When parents come to check their progression, they slide the mouse and quickly open the academic one, and they can successfully deceive parents' eyes. Thus, a computer has negative impacts on both studying and health, and using a computer every day leads children to keep up with study 4 and an unhealthy lifestyle.

1. In the first sentence 'effects' is a noun so you use it with 'on'. In the first sentence of the paragraph 'effects' is a verb so you can't use 'on'.

2. 'Disturb' can be a verb in this sentence and wouldn't need '-ing' here. When you used 'disturbing' in front of 'healthy sleep' it was an adjective that meant "something that makes a person feel uncomfortable".

3. 'That' and 'as if' would never be next to each other. They do the same thing so you can't use both.

4. I'm not sure what you mean here but it doesn't work. To 'keep up with' something is "to learn about" or " to be aware of" something. Ex "I don't keep up with sports." meaning, "I don't pay attention to what is happening in the world of sports." You could say "keep up with studying" or "keep up with their studies" but that doesn't fit in your sentence.

In general you had a lot of moments where you used a singular noun paired with a plural verb form or the other way around. In English we tend to use plural forms of nouns when referring to them generally ex "Shoes protect people's feet", "Backpacks are commonly used by schoolchildren.", "Candy is bad for teeth." The same idea can be used with a single noun but the grammar has to change ex "A shoe protects a person's foot.", "A backpack is commonly used by schoolchildren." the last one doesn't change because 'candy' in usually used as an uncountable noun so we don't add an '-s'

I hope this helps. Great job!