IELTS Practice 1024_2 ~Please revise my sentence.
The pie chart illustrates the properties of victors who went to different tourist spot in the United Kingdom in 1999.
It is clear that tourists visited theme parks and museums/galleries mostly in 1999. Blackpool Pleasure Beach was the most popular tourist attraction to visitors in the theme parts sector.
Visitors who visited the theme park and museums/ galleries took up over three quarters in Britain in 1999. In comparison, historic houses and monuments accounted for 16% in total, and there were only 9% tourists going to wild parks and zoos.
Looking at the theme parks sector in more detail, it took up 47% in Blackpool Pleasure Beach. Apparently, it is more than other sectors in theme parks. Alton Towers was the second popular theme park in UK, with 17% of the survey, and nearly following was the Pleasureland in Southport, with 16%. Chessington World of Adventure and Legoland in Windsor both comprised 10% of total tourists.
****Please revise my article. I want my sentence more various. If you have any comments about the article, please write down your suggestion. Thank you!:D
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The pie chart illustrates the properties of victors visitors who went to different tourist spot in the United Kingdom Britain in during 1999.
According to this graph, it is clear that tourists mostly visited theme parks and museums/galleries mostly in 1999. Blackpool Pleasure Beach was the most popular tourist attraction to visitors in the theme parts sector.
Visitors who visited the theme parks and museums/galleries took up over more than three quarters in Britain in 1999. In comparison, historic houses and monuments accounted for 16% in total, and there were only 9% of tourists going went to wild parks and zoos.
Looking at the theme parks sector in more detail, it took up 47% was taken up by Blackpool Pleasure Beach. Apparently, it is more popular than other sectors in theme parks. Alton Towers was the second most popular theme park in UK Britain (因为这张图表是关于Britian/England的，最好写Britian。Britian指的只是英格兰，但是UK指的是联合王国（包括英格兰、爱尔兰、苏格兰 和威尔士）。这样只要用Britian吧）, with 17% of the survey tourists, and nearly closely following was the Pleasureland in Southport, with 16%. Chessington World of Adventure and Legoland in Windsor both comprised 10% of total tourists.
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