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Essay: Should Schools Cut Art And Music Out Of The Curriculum? Hello! I am trying to improve my writing skills that's why I write essays about different topics. It would be very helpful if someone could correct this one. The aim of the education is to prepare kids for the modern world. The skills that are most needed on the labour market were taught in subjects like English, math or physics. So, are art and music really necessary? Firstly, the amount of time which is used for these two subjects is - depending on the country - from two to four hours a week. If art and music are cut out, there would be more free time for the children available. Hence they can follow their personal interests, some might like music than art or vice versa. Secondly, most kids in this age cannot organise free time activity on their own. That is why it depends on the parents what the children actually do in their leisure. But in school art and music are obligatory, so everyone gets the opportunity to paint or play an instrument. Third, most subjects in school are mentally exhausting. Therefore music or art could be for a lot of pupils a very pleasant contrast. For example, having a music lesson after two hours of math can be really refreshing for body and mind. In conclusion, the subjects art and music are an opportunity for children who don't get support of their parents and additionally it is a refreshing contrast to other subjects. In my opinion a good compromise would be to obligate teaching in music and art only until sixth or seventh grade.

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Essay: Should Schools Cut Art And Music Out Of The Curriculum?

Hello! I am trying to improve my writing skills, that's which is why I write essays about different topics. It would be very helpful if someone could correct this one.

The aim of the education is to prepare kids for the modern world. The skills that are most needed on in the labour market were are taught in subjects like English, math or physics. So, are art and music really necessary?

Firstly, the amount of time which is used for these two subjects is - depending on the country - from two to four hours a week. If art and music are cut out, there would be more free time available for the children available. Hence they can follow their personal interests, some might like music more than art or vice versa.

Secondly, most kids in (of) this age cannot organise free time activity activities on their own. That is why it depends on the parents what the children actually do in their leisure time. But in school art and music are obligatory, so everyone gets the opportunity to paint or play an instrument.

Third, most subjects in school are mentally exhausting. Therefore music or art could be for a lot of pupils a very pleasant contrast. For example, having a music lesson after two hours of math can be really refreshing for body and mind.

In conclusion, the subjects art and music are an opportunity for children who don't get the support of their parents and additionally it is a refreshing contrast to other subjects. In my opinion a good compromise would be to obligate teaching in music and art only until the sixth or seventh grade.

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Good job, just a few minor mistakes - nothing that affects the meaning of your essay. :) It feels like you could use some more commas at times, but comma use is sometimes a personal stylistic thing. 

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