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Russia flagMaxim Romanovskiy
The Long Downfall It was a sunny summer morning. We got in a very old bus and then drove off. The bus couldn’t accommodate all people, so two instructors sat in a raft which was towed behind our bus. We were heading to a wild place near the river. It was a rough mountain road with stones and sharp turns. When the bus was loudly bumping along on the stone, I was really worryed about two guys in the raft because they could fly out. Finally we arrived at the river bay with its sandy beach. The two guys from the raft were alright, moreover they were cheerful. After a few minutes everything was ready for rafting. I sat in front of the raft and took the paddle then we started our river adventure. It was exciting and full of fun. We passed through different rapids and whirlpools. In the middle of our journey we came up to a high cliff. Instructor told us: "This cliff is about fifteen meters high. And either of you could jump off it." I thought that I should definitely do it, because, probably, I would never have another chance. When I was climbing up my sense of fright was increasing too. I had to jump fast before I could refuse this idea. One guy jumped in front of me. I saw that he was fine and this fact gave me confidence. The one step into emptiness, then a free fall. It was the longest fall of my life. During this time I could have eaten a bucket of popcorn. Then I dived into the cold water. Life jacket straps squeezed my legs. Because it was dark there, I didn't know the right direction to the surface and therefore didn't swim. So, after about a quarter of a minute, my life jacket pulled me up. I saw a bright blue sky and rocks. It was wonderful to see it again. The stream of water began to carry me away and I started to swim intensively towards the raft.

Corrections · 2

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The Long Downfall*

It was a sunny summer morning. We got in a very old bus and then drove off. The bus couldn’t accommodate all the people, so two instructors sited  sat in a raft which was towed behind our bus. We were heading to a wild place near the river. It was a rough mountain road with stones and sharp turns. When the bus was loudly bumping along on the stone with loud noise, I was really worried about two guys in the raft because they could fly out. Finally we arrived at the river bay with its sandy beach. The two guys from the raft were alright, moreover they were cheerful. After a few minutes everything was ready for rafting. I sat in front of the raft and took the paddle then we started our river adventure. It was exciting and full of fun. We passed through different rapids and whirlpools. In the middle of our journey we came up to a high cliff. The instructor told us: "This cliff is about fifteen meters high. And either of you might  could jump off it." I thought that I should definitely do it, because, probably, I would never have another chance. When I was climbing up my sense of scare fright was increasing too. I had to jump fast before I didn't could refuse from this idea. One guy jumped in front of me. I saw that he was fine and this fact gave me confidence. The one step into emptiness, then a free fall. It was the longest fall of my life. During this time I could have eaten a bucket of popcorn. Then I dived into the cold water. Life jacket straps squeezed my legs. Because it was dark there, I didn't know the right direction to the surface and therefore didn't swim. So, after about a quarter of a minute, my life jacket pulled me up. I saw a bright blue sky and rocks. It was very great wonderful to see it again. The stream of water began to carry me away and I started to swim intensively towards the raft.

***

Hi Maxim,

   I really like this notebook entry! I felt like I was reading an exciting novel. There were only a few mistakes, mostly with articles and some modals.

*The title, 'The Long Downfall' is grammatically correct in English, but 'downfall' has a slightly different meaning. According to the Cambridge Learner's dictionary, it means '(something that causes) the usually sudden destruction of a person, organization, or government and their loss of power, money, or health'. I think it might be better to call your story 'The Long Fall Down' instead!

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions!

All the best,

Julie

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