Please help me with this writing task.
The topic :Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
My answer:
Long time ago,the distance led to the difficulties of communication.With time going by,the transportation has improved a lot and it is more convenient for people to chat,work and entertain face to face.However the amount of cars has been increasing quickly and there comes up some issues.The traffic jam,almost happen in every weekday's morning,troubled so much.To solve this problem,some scientists gave a lot of ideas.And one of the greatest idea is railways.
Roads will be affected a lot by car accidents and natural disasters.But railways almost will not be constructed by other trains except there will be any train accidents.Absolutely the railways is more popular than roads. And some people maybe can't afford cars.But if they take the railways ,they just need to pay a little money for the ticket and will not worry about the traffic jam.On the one hand,it not only shorts the distance between people but also makes the communication easier.
As far as I am concerned,government should spend money on railways rather than roads.Meanwhile,railways also protect the environment because railways drive with electricity more rather than fuel.And there will be less risk of accident that will ensure the safety of passengers.
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Corrections · 6
1
Hello there!
I'll try my best to correct all the mistakes, but seeing as I'm not a native speaker, I'd recommend waiting for someone who is one to do it as well. Also, keep in mind that not everything I correct is necessarily a mistake - it might just be a typo, or something very small.
Roads will be affected a lot by car accidents and natural disasters. But railways almost will not be constructed by other trains except there will be any train accidents. Absolutely the railways is more popular than roads. And some people maybe can't afford cars. But if they take the railways, they just need to pay a little money for the ticket and will not worry about the traffic jam. On the one hand, it not only shorts the distance between people but also makes the communication easier.
As far as I am concerned, government should spend money on railways rather than roads. Meanwhile, railways also protect the environment because railways drive with electricity more rather than fuel. And there will be less risk of accident that will ensure the safety of passengers.
1) You need the indefinite article "a" here
2) "The" is not needed as you're talking about distance in general
3) "led to difficulties of communication" doesn't sound very appealing, try replacing it with "made communicating with other people difficult" or something along the lines
4) "With time going by" - It would be better to use "As time went by" in this case
5) "The" is not needed, see 2)
6) "to entertain" essentially means "to amuse", I don't know if that's the word you were looking for
7) I'm not sure about this one, I think both aspects are correct here ("has been increasing" and "has increased"), although I think it'd be better to use "has increased" in this case because of the following sentence which is in past simple
8) "some issues came up" is the correct word order
9) "the traffic jam" - Use plural instead of singular (just "traffic jams")
10) "almost happen in every weekday's morning" - "happen almost daily/every day/on a daily basis" is the correct word order. Also, I'm not sure about traffic jams happening, I would use another verb for this sentence. "Traffic jams, which are present almost every day, have caused a lot of accidents"
11) "gave a lot of ideas" - "Proposed a lot of solutions"
12) "idea" - use the plural (ideas) here
13) "is" - I think both "is" and "was" are acceptable here, but just to be safe, I'd put "was" xD
14) "Railways are definitely more popular than roads"
15) "Also, there might be some people who can't afford cars"
16) You need to verb "use"; I'd say "the railway" in singular is a better option here
17) "a little" - Again, nothing wrong with this, but it might be more natural to say "some" or "little to no"
18) The expression is correct, but it is used together with "On the other hand", which I don't see anywhere in the text, so you have two options: just remove it or add another section to your essay
The rest in the second comment
1
Correction/Proposal :
My answer:Long time ago,distance usually led to communication difficulties.As time went by, transportation improved a lot making it more convenient for people to chat,work and have fun from up close.However, the amount of cars increased daily.As a result,more problems appeared.The traffic jam,almost happening every single morning,caused many troubles.In order to solve them,some scientists proposed lots of ideas.The greatest one was having railways made.
Roads get ruined a lot by car accidents and natural disasters,instead of railways,which have a minimal chance of having a train crush.That of course,make the railways more popular than roads. Moreover, some people probably can't afford bying a car.If they use the train though ,they just need to pay some money for the ticket and will not worry about the traffic jam.Thus,not only does it shorten the distance between people but it also makes the communication easier.
As far as I am concerned,government should spend money on railways rather than roads.Meanwhile,trains also protect the environment because they move by electricity rather than fuel.And there will be less risk of having an accident which can put the passengers at ease.
Hope I was helpful :)
0
Please help me with this writing task.
The topic :Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?My answer:
In the past distance led to difficulties with communication. As time went by transportation has improved a lot and it is more convenient for people to chat, work and entertain face to face. However, the amount of cars has been increasing quickly and this has caused some issues. The traffic jams happen almost every weekday morning, this is a big problem. To solve this problem scientists gave a lot of ideas, and one of the greatest ideas was railways.
Roads can be affected a lot by car accidents and natural disasters. But railways almost never will be affected by other trains except if there would be a train accident. Absolutely the railways are more popular than roads. Also some people maybe can't afford cars but if they take the railways they just need to pay a little money for the ticket and will not worry about the traffic jams. On the one hand, it not only shortens the distance between people but also makes communication easier.
As far as I am concerned, the government should spend money on railways rather than roads. Meanwhile, railways also protect the environment because railways drive with electricity more rather than fuel. And there will be less risk of accidents that will ensure the safety of passengers.
0
It seems silly, really. We usually add a space after commas and periods. I don't think this would be considered a mistakes but it helps reading the text specially on screen. I read Diana's corrections, and they seemed ok for me. Your choice of tenses sounds strange to me. You may want to study this subject.
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