The short story
Jack stand at the edge of the Iceberg. He looks forward and sees only freezing desert. He is exhausted, he didn’t see anyone after that shipwreck. The despair almost devoured him. Abruptly the ice under his feet creaks splits and he is starting falling down under the surface into the wild, dark, icy hell. He covers his face with hands trying to protect himself from icicles which fly to him from each side. It seems that this tunnel has not end, the light becomes dim and almost disappears. The despair replaced with deep fear, heart beating increased to maximum, adrenalin heats the almost frozen blood...Jack wakes up. The disease retreats, he feels it.
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1
The short story
Jack stands at the edge of the Iceberg. He looks forward and sees only freezing desert. He is exhausted, and he has not seen anyone after that shipwreck. The despair almost devours him. Abruptly, the ice under his feet creaks before splitting and he starts is starting falling down under the surface into the wild, dark, icy hell. He covers his face with his hands, trying to protect himself from icicles which whizz past fly to him from each side. The descent seems to be never-ending that this tunnel has not end, and the light becomes dim and almost disappears. The despair is replaced with deep fear, his heart rate beating increasing to the maximum, and adrenalin heating the almost frozen blood...Jack wakes up. The disease retreats, and he feels it.Hi Robert,
I truly enjoyed reading your story, which has an unexpected twist at the end.
I made some corrections for you. You have chosen to write the story as the events unfold for Jack. Therefore, I changed some of your past tense to present tense or present perfect tense. I hope these help.
Cheers,
Lance
1
A Short Story
Jack stands at the edge of the iceberg. He looks forward and sees only a frozen desert. He is exhausted, he didn’t see anyone after the shipwreck. The despair almost devoured him. Abruptly the ice under his feet creaks and splits and he starts falling down under the surface into the wild, dark, icy hell. He covers his face against icicles which fly past him from each side. It seems that this tunnel has no end, the light dims and almost disappears. His despair is replaced with deep fear, his heart beat rising to its maximum, adrenalin heats his almost frozen blood...Jack wakes up. The disease retreats, he feels it.very well written!
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