About a presentation

Hi Tom,
I am writing to congratulate you on the presentation you gave/have given today about the updates of the last semester (?not sure what you wanted to say by that). You are a good speaker. The jokes you tell are important to be sure you have captivate the attention of the  your audience/ your audience's attention.
During the presentation, you emphasized the key points and explained the charts carefully ?clearly. I think everyone was glad/happy to hear  about the news that our sales are rising. You used this information ( in a good way- to motivate us. However, I want to give you an piece of advice, if you allow me/ if I may, of course. I think you should prepare yourself for the presentation a few days before. Because sometimes you forget what you wanted to say and we can see that you are not confident about the information/with the content you give present to us.

Sincerely,
Vanessa.



As a side/cultural note, the tone of this email is a bit harsh. If you want to really send it to your colleague, you may need to tone it down/soften the tone. Typically, feedback is presented positive-negative-positive. 
I would not use the word 'advice' but 'suggestion, and start by 'Overall, you are a confident presenter, however sometimes you forget what you wanted to say and you come across as not being confident... etc.' I would probably not give him any advice on how to deal with it - he should be able to figure it out. 


I hope this helps.

Jo.

About a presentation

Hi Tom,
I am writing to congratulate you on the presentation you gave today about the updates of the last semester's updates. You are a good speaker and . T the jokes you told ell are important to be sure you have captured the attention of the audience. During the presentation, you emphasized the key points and explained the charts carefully/clearly. I think everyone was pleased to hear glad about the news that our sales are rising. You used this information in a good way to motivational way e us. However, I want to give you an one piece of advice, if you don't mind, allow me of course I think you should prepare yourself more before for the presentation a few days before. Because sSometimes you forgeot what you wanted to say and we can could see that you awere not confident idelivering about the information you give to us.

Sincerely,
Vanessa.