Search from various English teachers...
Russia flagValeriy
Your Humble Servant 3 The man in the tent was asleep. The skin of his wide feet looked like an elephant’s and was deeply furrowed with the wrinkles that were sanded-up. Those were the sand and the salt of the Caspian deserts. The man did not move even when the donkey fell sideways and touched his big toe with its hoof. His big toe kept on pointing to somebody at the inflaming sun. That was a skinbound tired man that fell asleep immediately after putting a stake into the earth and throwing a black large felt mat over it. He did not even find time for hobbling his donkey and looking for any better place for passing the night. In the pit near the hill there was a dead dog in its third night. Jackals had already eaten all its entrails. Probably, the donkey was braying all night long just because of these cowardly stinking creatures that were hounting it. - It’s an old man and he’s come from afar, - Hally the Beauty told to her husband. – Maybe, you should invite him to our home to drink some tea? Hally was not so young yet – she was 22. But her shoulders were sweetly rounded and her voice was sweet and clear. Even the youngest girl of the village could not sing better than Hally. Nevertheless, the past night having been cold and inasmuch as Yegen Oraz-bay had lost the art of heating his woman’s heart at night a long ago, all these words were said with the hoarse voice since Hally didn’t have time to clear her throat. Oraz thought her to tease him. He wheezed himself due to his age and his fat that had squeezed his breast. - Since when, - he crossly wheezed, - you’ve got right to order me whom I should invite in MY kibitka? – Then he was getting angry and kept on voicing his indignation. - Yesterday you spended too long time near the well! What were you doing over there?! In our village there are too many idlers that would like to drink up from the other’s well! I know how you talk to ‘other women’ as well! Look out! You would become hoarse forever! Hally fell silent while Oraz-bay started to get up, stretching himself and yawning.

Corrections · 3

0

Your Humble Servant 3

The man in the tent was asleep. The skin on his wide feet looked like an elephant’s and was deeply furrowed with the wrinkles that were encrusted with sanded. This was the sand and the salt of the Caspian deserts. The man did not move even when the donkey fell sideways and touched his big toe with its hoof. His big toe kept on pointing to somebody in the flaming sun.
He was a leathery tired man who fell asleep immediately after putting a stake into the earth and throwing a black large felt mat over it. He could not even find time to tether** his donkey or look for a better place to pass the night. In the pit near the hill there was a dog, dead for three nights. Jackals had already eaten all its entrails. Probably, the donkey had brayed all night long because these cowardly stinking creatures were hounding it.
- It’s an old man and he’s come from afar, - Hally the Beauty told her husband. – Maybe, you should invite him to our home to drink some tea?
Hally was not so young now – she was 22. But her shoulders were sweetly rounded and her voice was sweet and clear. Even the youngest girl of the village could not sing better than Hally. Nevertheless, the past night being cold, and Yegen Oraz-bay having lost the art of heating his woman’s heart at night long ago, all these words were said with a hoarse voice since Hally didn’t have time to clear her throat.
Oraz thought her to tease him(?). He wheezed due to his age and the fat that squeezed his breast.
- Since when, - he crossly wheezed, - do you have the right to tell me who I should or should not invite in MY kibitka?* – Then he was getting angry and kept on voicing his indignation.
- Yesterday you spent too long time near the well! What were you doing over there?! In our village there are too many idlers that would like to drink from the other’s well! I know how you talk to ‘other women’ as well! Look out! Or you would become hoarse forever!
Hally fell silent while Oraz (the bay?) started to get up, stretching himself and yawning.

*'whom' is strictly true, and perfect for English exams. However, you quoted someone speaking in real life and the last time it was said in real life was probably 100 years ago. On the streets, and in Westerns, people say 'who'.

**'hobbled' is also good, but it has the wrong connotation here, I think.

Very well written!

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!

Start Learning Today