First Diary 2016.12.09 This is my first diary here. I have a very strong power to write my feelings down these days, so I come here. I've been depressed by my work stuff for a couple of months, I tried to be positive, tried to focus on some specific things such as sports and reading, but none of them worked. I think I'm the "thinking way too much" kind of person, and those useless thoughts have even influence my normal work, but the further I wanna escape from them, the harder I could concentrate. How ironic it is... I wanna be the best of me, I wanna do something special, I wanna be the irreplaceable, like anyone else around me. Everyday I see other colleages struggle to show their specialty to the boss, and then, I look at myself——nothing could be sparkel, I've continued to find defects on me, but trying to change seems to need time or ambitious, I'm trying with no confidence. I've been seeing the conflict among those directors, I've been heard the difficulties our company is facing, everybody fight for benefits and escape from duties in the meeting, I'm wondering if I've been too negative to see the positive side, or I should just focus on self development regardless what is going on aroud me. But turning to be insensitive is not so easy for the person like me. Maybe everyone could tell that I'm a total loser from this diary, evenif I'm still trying to do something, I memorize English words, read English book and watch English news for over 3 hours a day after work, This is my only hope that can give my life a little change day by day, So I come here and hope to keep writing something down for a period of time. Life is a long journey, so I know not a single thing could represent the success, only making myself to be a little better every single day is meaningful. Besides, nowhere is my destination.