Essays (FIRST)
Not enough is being done to protect endangered animals.
This is a complex question. When zoos first opened, they had a real purpose - to educate people. There was no television, neither internet and in this way, people got to see animals from other places. For this reason, zoos started to compete with each other about which has the rarest animals.
In time, we can find a polar bear in Amsterdam, a koala in Stockholm or even a tiger shark in Moscou.
It is true that not all the zoos keep in the same conditions to the animals and also there are some special zoos which try to protect the most endangered species.
Many species are now endangered because of what is happening to our planet - things like global warming - but some zoos are actually doing something to try to conserve these species.
Now we don’t have the same need for zoos and it is cruel to lock animals up there.
As for agriculture, some farmers look after animals well, but many don’t care about the conditions that their animals live in. The best farmers give animals plenty of space and fresh grass to eat
To sum up, we could treat animals better.
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Corrections · 1
1
Essays (FIRST)
Not enough is being done to protect endangered animals. (Is this a title or an introduction? If it is a title, you should remove the dot at the end, if it is an introduction, you should attach it to the following paragraph)This is a complex question. When zoos have (zoos exist till nowadays, so you have to use present perfect tense in order for the sentence to be tense-wise correct) first opened, they had a real purpose - to educate people. There was no television, neither internet and in this way, people got to see animals from other places. For this reason, zoos started to compete with each other about/on (you can use about, but on would be more concrete as you are talking about a competition) which has the rarest animals.
In time (what do you mean by saying "on time"? do you mean "nowadays" or "as the time has shown" or what?), we can find a polar bear in Amsterdam, a koala in Stockholm or even a tiger shark in Moscow (in English, the capital of Russia is spelled "Moscow", not "Moscou" as is in French).
It is true that not all the (I think you are talking about zoos in general not emphasizing one particular zoo or one particular category of zoos, so you shouldn't use the article "the") zoos keep in the same conditions to the animalsanimals on same conditions and, also, (when you use one conjunction after another, you should separate it by commas, in this case, I see you are using this as an insertion) there are some special zoos which try to protect the most endangered species.
Many species are now endangered because of what is happening to our planet - things like global warming - but some zoos are actually doing something to try to conserve these species.
Now we don’t (just a tip on the style of your essay: if you want the essay to look scientific do not use the shortenings like "don't" "it's", use the full structures like "do not" "it is", etc.) have the same need for zoos and it is cruel to lock animals up there.
As for agriculture, some farmers look after animals well, but many don’t care about the conditions that their animals live in. The best farmers give animals plenty of space and fresh grass (I think you should use "food" here instead because not all animals are grass eaters, some eat meat, too, and you did not highlight specific species of animals in your essay) to eat.
To sum up, we could treat animals better. (Tip for the future: you should make a conclusion of at least 2 sentences, one simple and short sentence is not enough, it simply looks really lazy and does not summarize the whole essay)
Should any questions appear, feel free to contact me or write me back. Cheers.
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