Essay 1
I am writing an essay text.
Here is the theme:
'Schools should prepare students for university. rather than for work,'
How far do you agree with this Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience or observations.
Here is my answer:
At first, schools should prepare students for life not just university or work. Both university and work are important and I can argue that they are extremely important. Being more practical, we all know a lot of people that are successful without having an university degree. Some examples are Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Steven Spielberg. They had a vision where more practical skills were important to succeed. I can say that they worked a lot to achieve this.
On the other side, university prepares students to have the theoretical foundations of academic knowlege such as science and technology. This kind of knowledge are important if you want to do research or be in the edge of knowlege to produce theoretical articles, books and so on.
In the meantime the world is not made only of books and theories. Although modern computer simulations can forecast many situations the world provides us many more possibilities as we saw in recent disasters such as tsunamis, hurricanes and earthquakes. In other words, more practical knowlege are required to face the world and succeed.
To summarise, life requires a wide range of knowledge we have to focus in the details of real life to improve our skills. University studies are important, but to succeed in a fast changing world we have to look catch the moving life which cannot be captured in static books.
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I appreciate any comments/suggestions/corrections.
Thank you very much! :-)
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Corrections · 3
1
Essay 1
I am writing an essay text.Here is the theme:
'Schools should prepare students for university. rather than for work,'
How far do you agree with this? Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience or observations.
Here is my answer:
In my opinion, schools should prepare students for life, not just university or work. Both university and work are important, and I can argue that they are extremely important. However, from a practical standpoint, there are a lot of people that are successful without having a university degree. Some examples are Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Steven Spielberg. They had a vision where more practical skills were necessary to succeed, and I feel that they worked very hard to achieve their goals.
On the other hand, university studies prepare students for work, by having the theoretical and academic knowledge needed for working in such fields as science and technology. This kind of knowledge is vital if you want to do research, work in cutting edge technology companies, or produce theoretical articles, books and so on.
However, the world is not made only of books and theories. Although modern computer simulations can forecast many situations, the world can throw unexpected problems at us, such as we saw in recent disasters such as tsunamis, hurricanes, and earthquakes. In other words, more practical knowledge is required to face the world and succeed.
To summarise, life requires a wide range of knowledge and we have to focus on the details of real life to improve our skills. University studies are important, but to succeed in a fast changing world we have to experience the dynamic real life which cannot be captured in books.
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I appreciate any comments/suggestions/corrections.
Thank you very much! :-)
0
Please have a look at my corrections. Your essay is very good, but it feels a little disorganised and you need to use the correct terms to introduce your ideas. For example, you used "In the meantime," to introduce an opposite argument. "In the meantime" refers to a time period, or "while you are waiting" for something to happen. Better terms to use include: "On the other hand," "Having said that / made this point/these points...", "Despite this / In spite of this..."
In order to organise your essays more clearly, make sure you do an outline to plan your arguments. For example:
- Introduction
- Arguments for prioritising work
- Counter arguments for prioritising university
- Your argument that schools should focus more on life skills and adaptability, rather than university or work
- Conclusion - state your opinion clearly
Please contact me if you'd like lessons to help you with your writing.
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