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Today's Story Beijing is a fickle city. The afternoon was so hot, many people were in T-shirts. And the wind feels like a warm embrace. My friend and I went and did weekly shopping. Because we live in the countryside, we had to wait for the bus for a fairly long time. The sun was so strong that my ears were burning. Due to the wind, it would be very difficult to hold the umbrella still so we just gave it up. But it's a different story on our way back. The sun set, the shadows died, and the air grew colder. We decided to walk back to school. It's 3 stations away. I seemly became a human "dog-attractor" recently. Everytime I said hi to them, they did respond me. Everytime I opened my arms for them, they truly walked right to me. I love that grey poodle we met today at the gate of school. Hope I can meet he or she again. Forgot to mention. The flowers in school grew better than those on our we back. Probably because there's no gardener to water them. It's too dry in Beijing. But in my southern hometown, every plant thrives with or without being taken care of.

Corrections · 3

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You could say "Beijing's mood is unpredictable"? Then go on and explain WHY it is unpredictable or WHY it is "fickle". We do see personification (personalization means something totally different) a lot, but in essays, it is best to be straightforward instead of trying to be poetic so you do not make unnecessary mistakes. Same with "the shadows died". It sounds awkward even in Chinese, so something like "disappeared" or "faded" would convey the meaning. Nevertheless, your level of English is quite good for a non-native speaker. Do you read many English books?
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Thanks a lot. I can never find some mistakes if it won't for you. But I have one question, if I want to make the sentence emotional, could I talk about something as if it were a person? We do this in Chinese all the time. And the first sentence in this story is pun. It means 1.there are large temperature differences between day and night, 2.everything changes fastly in Beijing. If the word "fickle" isn't right. Is there a better word to contain the meanings above? Or personlization, I'm not sure if the word is correct, the personalizing thing isn't popular in English.
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A small comment: A city cannot be fickle - people can be fickle, meaning they change their mind all the time and they are, as a result, unreliable. A city can be large, small, cosmopolitan, industrial, coastal, crowded; you can say that Beijing is a metropolis and more... Also, you start in past tense (the afternoon was so hot) and you continue in present tense (the wind feels like...). You may say: My friend and I "went shopping".

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