I'm in a funeral now I'm in a funeral. Not like westerns', funeral in taiwan is just raw and traditional, I didn't like it, but it makes me feel more that this is reality. They already have set lines to ask us say. I saw my aunt and my cousin got asked holding the body - my uncle's hand. The giude said many tradition stuff, which made me feel like I am trapped in the traditional convept of a world for eternity. I'm not sure if I am cruel or just use a lot of refusing technique, I have no tears. I know this one is my rarely talked with and not very much of liking uncle's, but someone died, how can I acted such indifference. The body is in funeral parlor, along with all others, includes my mom. I am the only one stay. I didn't cry at my grandfather's funeral, too. Funeral makes me uncomfortable, I think I'd be OK if I'm just an outsider, but I'm actually being one. At a funeral, it seems everyone ought to cry and looks sad. It is a pressure, but rational and fair one. Am I too naive, I think so. Current living makes us all being scared of an actual body, or feeling it is not very authentic. The last thing is what if this is my parents' funeral, how will I act, what if I cry out loud, or worse, what if I feel nothing.