I can't thank you enough for taking the time to reply to me. I didn't think people did this kind of thing anymore- showed any kind of concern for a complete stranger. It's nice to see that I'm wrong.

Dear Dayn, I perfectly understand how you feel. You don't know how well I understand. The reason I am writing to you is because I recognize myself in what you have written not only in your first note but also in the rest of them. Unmotivated teenager? Check. Suck at math? Check. Staying up late and sleeping long? Used to. Just because you are that way now, doesn't mean you have to stay that way. It's just hard for you to see that now.

so I'm stuck in limbo again. I'm really going to try, though, to find a job. Anywhere. Anything. It doesn't matter- I just can't keep sitting here. I live the life of a lonely, single 50 year old, not a 21 year old. I know my situation will get better, thank you. Even when I'm feeling down, I try to stay positive, or at least make myself seem that way. It's a lot easier to be positive about someone else's situation, though, you know? I really want to thank you for taking the time to write to me. I didn't expect anyone to, I just wanted to get it down somewhere, because it's starting to take it's toll on me physically- the headaches, the weight loss, the low blood sugar, the crappy sleeping schedule and the mood swings. It can't be fun for anyone to be around me at this point, so I guess I just need to soldier on and get my ass in gear.

I do see the contradiction, but I guess I didn't really think about it. I'm the kind of person (unfortunately) who would rather stay up late and sleep all day to avoid that situation. I guess I'm just really stressed- many things have come up over these past few months, and even if they aren't directly related to me, they're still a part of my life. I feel like they just pile up. I'm not an organized person. I have ADD and dyslexia, along with dyscalculia, and really all those fancy words mean are I am not organized, and I have trouble with math. I'm very ashamed of it. School was terrible for me, and because no one ever realized my problem was a lot more than just "being lazy" (which I was told plenty of times), I just wanted to get out as fast as I could. I can barely do addiction, have severe trouble with subtraction; same with multiplication. It doesn't seem like it wouldn't be a big deal, but it gets in the way of everything. I can't even count money, and let me tell you, when you're 21 years old and holding up a line because you can't take a ten dollar bill, four ones, and a five, and give the person seven dollars- it really bothers you. Partly, I'm blaming my disability, but I'm also acknowledging the fact that there are some things I just can't do, or that I'm just not good at. Job wise, I could be looking harder. This brings us back to me staying up too late and sleeping too long. I do that when I get depressed over it. Most of my friends have had jobs since the time they were 15. I just got my drivers license a couple months ago, and I've never had a job. That's a pretty shitty feeling. Again, it was mostly due to my lack of giving a crap. I was always kind of depressed and unmotivated as a teenager. Now, I just feel like the list of things I have to do is so huge, compared to what it might have been if I'd just done it when I was younger. Recently, though, I saw my doctor and got put on something. It helps me a lot, but it messes with my blood sugar

also I started studying. It's hard to find a job you will be satisfied to work with through your whole life if you don't finish college or trade school. I think you are a lot smarter than you give yourself credit to be. If you struggle with some subjects more than others, just sit down and work with that. It is not as impossible as you believe it to be. When we struggle, we think the worst of our situation. I will never get out of this, it is so bad, and this is how I am this is how it's going to be etc etc. You are putting yourself in a cage with these thoughts.