My first English self-introduction, Please check it!

Hello, My name is Youngrim Park and I am in my late twenties. I am a seafarer/sailor and I have worked at a shipping company for 3 years. I normally I work on board the ships for 9 months of each year and then take a vacation(rest?) for 3 months.
I know that my job is unusual for woman and challenging, but I love my job because it gives me many chances to go abroad.

I live in a detached house with my family. There are 6 people in my family : My grandmother, my father, my mother, my aunt, my brother and me. I think I am a hot-tempered person. So, my friends often tell me to "calm down". I like to do exercise. Thus, In my vacation, I go to the gym near my house everyday.

Hello Youngrim,

You do have an unusual job for a lady but at least as you say you can travel. Don't you miss home? What do you do on the boat?

I can understand everything you write but I have made it better for you. Try to join some shorter sentences together to make longer sentences like I have.  I reorganised the sentence in green to make it more natural.

Hope this helps

Bob