10.24.

The bar chart shows/illustrates/gives information about the time spent by UK residents on different types of telephone calls between 1995 and 2002.

Local fixed line calls were the highest throughout the period(描述整体趋势最高）,rising from 72 billion minutes in 1995 to just under 90 billion in 1998（详细描述达到峰值的起始点）.Afer peaking at 90 billion the following year,these calls had fallen back to the 1995 figure by 2002.（达到峰值后的回落，回落程度到1995年同等水平）

National and international fixed line calls grew steadily from 38 billon to 61 billion at the end of the period(起始点的描述很重要） in question,though the growth slowed over the last two years.（趋势描写，最后两年增长减缓）

There was a dramatic increase in mobile calls from 2 billion to 46 billion minutes(仍然起始点描写对应上段）.This rise was particularly noticeable(特别显著） between 1999 and 2002,durning which time the use of mobile phones tripled（3倍 ）.  两倍：double/twofold 四倍：fourfold

To sum up(总阶段）,although local fixed line calls were still the most popular in 2002,the gap between the three categories had narrowed considerably（三个种类差距缩小） over the second half（后半场，下半局） of the period in question.

10.24.

The bar chart illustrates the data of the telephone calls in UK,which was mainly divided into local fixed line, national and international fixed line respectively from 1995 to 2002.

We can clearly find out that the figure for mobiles shows an upward trend during those years.What's more,it hit the maximum at 45 billions of minutes in 2002.

For the national and international fixed line ,it experienced the same rise with the mobiles,but showed more steady,which had increased to 52 billions of minutes ,

Besides,as for the local fixed line,it firstly increased to 90 billions of minutes in 1999,which was at peak,whereas,from this point onwards,it gradually decreased to 72 billions of minutes in 2001.

A rewrite rather than a correction

The bar chart illustrates UK telephone call data for fixed line, national and international fixed lines for the years 1995 to 2002.

It clearly shows that  mobile calls show an upward trend during those years. What's more, it hit a maximum of 45 billion minutes in 2002.

National and international fixed line also rose but more steadily to reach a maximum of 53 billion minutes.

Local fixed line call rose to a peak of  90 billion in 1999 then gradually declined to 72 billion minutes in 2001.

Notes:

This presents as a technical text. The convention is for that type of text to be impersonal - that is why I removed the word "we" , we is personal.

You can also compact a lot of your text by rearranging placement and using some words as a type of adjective

so  "calls in UK" -> UK telephone call data   (more compact but the same information)

and "billions of minutes" -> billion minutes   (you are giving a number   45 + a quantity measure "billion" and a type "Minutes" so put them together as "45 billion minutes".

You would not normally use "72 billions" instead use "72 billion"