Corrections · 3
My career path
I graduated from college with a degree major in fashion design. I was really lucky to find my first job as a personal assistant to a design director in a clothing company. But after three years, the bubble burst, and the clothing market fell drastically. I had to quit my job. Subsequently, I began 'd been working in sales at BMW AG and got promoted quickly. I found out that I had some a gift for working in sales. I advanced from being salesman to being a marketing executive in two years. Following my impressive sales performance, I bought my first apartment as a present for my mom. In the meantime, the clothing market turned around gradually. Frankly(You could also use honestly here), I was thinking about startingrunning my own clothing business, which was mythe biggest dream in the depths of my heart. I decided that(I cant exactly tell what you're saying here. Did you try to find someone or decide that you wanted to look for someone?)suppose I'd find a partner and look into the whole marketing. Before starting a new life, I went on was going to have a trip to Europe with my whole family. The process of pursuing happiness is verysuch exciting.
Removed words are in red, the words I replaced them with are in green, and my comments are in purple.
Good job!
My career path
I graduated from college with a major in fashion design. I was really lucky to find my first job as a personal assistant to a director of design (sounds better) in a clothing company. But after three years, the bubble burst and the clothing market fell drastically. I had to quit my job. Subsequently, I'd been working in sales at BMW AG and got promoted quickly. I found I had some gift for sales a gift in sales (or I found my gift in sales) . I advanced from salesman to marketing executive in two years. Following impressive sales performance, I bought my first apartment as a present for my mom, in the meantime, the clothing market turned around gradually. Frankly, I was thinking about running my own clothing business, which was the biggest dream in the depths of my heart. I suppose I'd find a partner and look into the whole marketing. Before starting a new life, I was going to have a trip to Europe with my whole family. The process of pursuing happiness is such so exciting.
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