Mommy

Maybe it will  take you a while to understand, maybe you will cry countless nights, maybe you will call me with that choked voice of whom is suffering of yearning and has a lump in the throat, but I have to go.

I have to learn some things. I have to learn to separate clothes by colors when washing, I have to face the dishes still be in the sink the next day, that a clean bathroom smells good, especially when I was the one who cleaned it.
I have to learn how to cook more than noodles with sausage. I have to learn that my salary needs to last 30 days and that pubs and beers aren't the basic needs.
I have to feel alone, have to say to other people "my mom always said that...", have to be strong and handle a dirty word that my boss deserves, but you taught me that a serious professional don't goes out of itself so easily.
I have to take my pajamas on sundays, make the lunch, dinner and don't simply read Clarice waiting for you to make all of this for me.
I have to watch that incredible movie on my own and having no one to timidly cry with me, need to miss your hug that I needed in a bad day and your sincerity, which taught me to be a better human every day.

But don't think that's gonna be easy to me, it's going to hurt every day of my life. Coming back home and not seeing your peaceful smile, not counting every detail of my day, my endless crazy stories and seeing your face of boredom.

I'll miss you even when I have two children, even when I turn eighty, even when I have written the best book in History.

I have to go, but I'll always take you with me.

This made me teary-eyed. Good to read one of your texts again.