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Poland flagJustyna
a poem "The fifth element" you are like fire water wind and earth together you scald when I touch you my thoughts and words and skin you slide through my fingers i am waterproof it pounds in my mind because of your words unsaid like after a night spent together with wine instead of you your absence will eventually lie me down three meters under the ground

Corrections · 2

1

A Poem (I know it's a poem, and poems don't always capitalize the first letters of words, but I feel like, for some reason, the title saying it's a poem should have capitalized letters but the actual title of the poem itself doesn't have to have them. Yes, I'm quite weird. >.<)

"The fifth element"

you are like
fire
water
wind
and earth
together

you scald when I touch you
my thoughts
and words
and skin

you slide through my fingers
i am
waterproof

it pounds in my mind
because of your words
unsaid
like after a night
spent together with wine
instead of with you (Not totally necessary, but yeah. I have to fix something, right?)

your absence will
eventually lie lay me down (I hope this isn't just an American thing, but I would use "lay" here. Very few English speakers could properly tell you the difference, but it sounds better to my ears.)
three meters/six feet under the ground (Speaking of "American things" - I know meters are the preferred measurement unit in most of Europe. But I've listened to a ton of British music in my life and I've never heard "three meters underground" - but "six feet underground" is a very well-known expression for something that's buried. So I'd use that, but I can't say three meters would sound bad to a Brit. I'm just a lowly yankee, after all. :P)


The poem was really well done. Nothing seemed truly "wrong" - I just tried to make it read as good as I know it can. Keep or sweep the changes (= take them or leave them). And good job once again. :)

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