This is one of my ielts essays

Some people believe the aim ("purpose" would be a better word) of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

Studying at university has become an indispensable part of many young adults' lives. Many believe that qualifying for a job is the sole reason to attend university.  Others, however, hold the view that there are other merits attributed to spending time at the university. From my point of view, university education can impact on a student's characteristic, giving him/her the maturity needed to face the realities of life.

Firstly, some think the university education is just the best way to prepare students for their future jobs.  One should keep in mind is that the time spent at university time is not actually enough to experience many different subjects: simply studying some specific courses requirements takes so much time from them. Thus, it's really hard to expect much more than that.
For instance, the computer engineering students ideally devote more than 5 hours a day to study programming, so there is no extra time left for them to learn more from the university atmosphere.
However, many experts believe that besides the many job opportunities which come from a higher educational background, it is not the one and only effect of universities on people's lives. as a part of this, Education can lead to the development of people's characters, making them more likely to be responsible. As a matter of fact, university is often their first experience of facing the barriers of life and standing on their own feet to solve their problems.  

Furthermore, it is really rewarding for society to have more educated people. For instance, a person who has dealt with people from all walks of life at university time can achieve some special mutual understanding about his or her people. So, it is obviously the best way to know ourselves better and to live respectfully with other members of our society.

After all, from my point of view the university time is a big challenge for young people. The fact that a higher educational background is increases the chance of finding better job is undeniable. But other factors remarkably growth in the educational atmosphere stimulate personal growth, such as: improving social network connections, and developing independence of character.

Well done, Nili.

This is one of my Ielts essays

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates to get better jobs. In contrast‚ others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

studying at university has become an indispensable part of many young adults' lives. many believe that qualifying for a job is the solely reason to attend universities .others, however, hold the view that there are other merits attributed to spending time at the university. From my point of view university education can impact on a student's characteristic to make him/her more mature to face the real aspects of life.

firstly ,some think the university education is just the best way to prepare students for their future jobs,one should keep in mind is that the university time is not actually enough to experience different subjects .simply,learning some specific courses take much time from them. Thus,it's really hard to expect a lot.
For instance,the computer engineering students ideally devote more than 5 hours a day to study programming. so,there is no extra time for them to learn more from the university atmosphere.
However,many experts believe that besides many job opportunities which come from educational background,its not the one and only effect of universities on people's life.as a part of this,education can lead to some promote in people's characteristics .owes to this,they are more likely to be responsible.as a matter of fact,it is the first experience for them to face the barriers of life and stand on their own feet to solve their problems.furthermore,it is really regarding for society to have more educated person.for instance,the person who has dealed with all walks or (work) of people during his or her university time can achieve some special mutual understanding about his or her people .so , it is obviously the best way to know ourselves better and to live with respect to our society.

After all,from my point of view the university time is a big challenge for young people . thus, the fact that educational background is increased the chance of finding better job is undiniable. In the meanwhile, the other factors remarkably growth in the educational atmosphere such as: improving social network connections, and being characteristically independent.

It was very good and I enjoyed it .Did you write it from your own interpretation or getting some parts from a book?