English and my Mask.

I don't dare saying my major is business is English, I have studied English for more than six years.my English isn't so bad ? I think my English sucks.now I am frustrated. it seems like that all the existing issues comes to me at the same day.
I don't like my current job, okay, it was my fault. I shouldn't had made such a an awful, hastily decision to work in this company as a web developer,because I was doing s**t all day and I want to do some thing is more meaningful.I cannot work in a company where no one cares you and paid pay you low. I could almost say I am  as poor as a church rat right now, oh god, next week I have to pay the house rent, ah....graduation is coming, such a pain in my ass. English English English, I hate 'you',and like you, I deserve it? all my hard work was in vain , I was hard working ,was that kind smart student the professors liked, you know what, when I left school,I found everything that I was pride of were nothing.okay , NO one ever saw me frowns , and there was also no one roommate ever saw me cried , but I cried at the mid night when they fell asleep. some people around me admire my little and' pity 'achievements ,but there is a pain ,always aching in my heart.