Story

Ettore went out from left Bianco's house. He wasn't happy but relaxed, he felt like he had already been working there for a long time even if it had been just for two days.
At Bianco's he worked until ten and he needed to kill the two hours that still remained before the morning turn at the chocolate factory.

He went down to the bar and he saw two farmers entering the billiard room.
A waiter brought the aperitives, the two men took off their jackets, put the top of their ties into their shirts, kept their hats on their heads and chose the cues as if they were choosing guns for a duel.

All of that without talking, without looking at each other, just making grimaces because of the smoke that was going up their nose from the cigarettes that they never took out of their mouths.
Ettore offered to keep the points in a gesture.

The two men asked to bring him a glass of red wine and they passed him some cigarettes.
Twice there was disagreement about the points because Ettore was distracted, he was trying to imagine the face that that old fascist would have that evening.

Hello Angela,

A nice story with just a few mistakes.

The story is told in the past and in  the second sentence you are talking about a time before the time of the story. (What I call the past past!) In this case you should use the past perfect, had + 3rd form/past participle.)

In the second paragraph you have a list separated by commas, when we have a list like this the last item should be separated by 'and' not a comma.

Hope this helps

Story

Ettore went out from Bianco's house. He wasn't happy but he felt relaxed, he felt like he had already been working there for a long time, even though it had only been two days.
At Bianco's he finished work at ten and he needed to kill the two hours that still remained before the morning turn at the chocolate factory.
He went down to the bar and he saw two farmers coming into the biliard room.
A waiter brought them their aperitives, the two men took off their jacket, put the tops of their ties into their shirts and kept their hats on their heads, they chose their cues as if they were choosing guns for a duel.
All of that was done without talking, without looking at each other, just exchanging grimaces from the smoke that kept going up their noses from the cigarettes that they never took from their mouths.
Ettore offered to keep the points as a gesture.
The two men asked (who?) to bring them? a glass of red wine and they passed him some cigarettes in return.
There were two more disagreements about the points because Ettore was distracted, he was trying to imagine the face that old fascist would have later that evening.

Story

Ettore went out from left Bianco's house. He wasn't happy but relaxed. He felt like he has already been working there for a long time even if it has had been just for two days.
At Bianco's, he worked until ten and he needed to kill the two hours that still remained before the morning turn at the chocolate factory.
He went down to the bar and he saw two farmers entering into the biliard room.
A waiter brought the aperitives, the two men took off their jackets, put the top of their ties into their shirts, kept their hats on their heads, and chose the cues as if they were choosing guns for a duel.
They did all of that without talking, without looking at each other, just making grimaces because of the smoke that was going up their noses from the cigarettes that they have never taken took out from of their mouths.
Ettore offered to keep the points in as a gesture (of kindness?).
The two men asked the bartender to bring him a glass of red wine and they passed him some cigarettes.
Around two times Twice, there was a disagreement about the points because Ettore was distracted. He was trying to image imagine the face that that old fascist would have that evening.

PS: Pretty well written! Good job! :)