My tortoise.

I like pets very much. I really want to have a dog or a cat but my mom doesn't allow me to keep one because the dog or the cat will shed its fur everywhere and it's difficult to clean up. My mom only allows me to raise animals in water like fishes,tortoises etc.
When I was 11 or 12 years old,I had my first tortoise. Her name was Coco and she was very cute. I loved her so much, although she always bit my fingers when I fed her. I will never forget the night that she passed away. She was not willing to have anything at that night. When I noticed that her shell began to get soft and her eyes opened widely, I realised that she had passed away.I was very sad during those days. I will never forget her and I decided not to raise tortoises any more.

Very good! Everything's understandable I just thinking you're mixing up would and will. And spaces after full stops.