my article written in IELTS
It is a normal trend that famous people give the support to aid organisations. Some people think this trend will put some important problems in public's attention. However, others argue that the celebrities will lead to less attention to the problems.
The support from famous people can let people concern some important problems, because people always care what they do. For example, if a movie star donates sth to charity organisations, then this star's fans will know, because they usually concern their idol's news. Maybe they will donate sth as well as their idol.
If a famous person gives the support to a charity organisation, medias will report it. The power of media cannot be ignored in modern societies. If medias report this person's activity on internet, then people using internet will know it. As a result, more people will pay attention to some problems.
However, the celebrities held by famous people or organisations may lead to less attention to some important problems. People may concern how many stars come to celebrities, they may transfer the attention to the problems before.
In conclusion, the support of famous people can really let people concern more in some problems.On the other hand, celebrities may lead to less attention to those problems.
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Corrections · 2
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i corrected your essay and it is GOOD but i want to mark some points for you;
1- each point (in the introduction) should be explained in a paragraph. your first idea was explained in 2 paragraphs.
2- you overused the verb concern. try to write down all the verbs with the same meaning of concern
3- you could write an example about the 2nd idea. for example, you could say that the media and the fans might be more interested in the fashion of the idols instead of the goal of the event.
4- i couldnt understand the lines in yellow
5- internet and media should be used with (the) because there is one internet and one media you mean. like the sun, the moon, etc
keep going and try to explain each idea with different vocabulary .. best of luck
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my article written in IELTS
It is a normal trend that famous people give the support to aid organisations. Some people think this trend will put allow/ help/ let some important problems in public's attention. However, others argue that the celebrities will lead to less attention to the problems.
The support from famous people can let people concern some important problems, because people always care about what they do. For example, if a movie star donates sth to charity organisations, then this star's fans will know, because they usually follow their idol's news. Maybe they will donate sth as well as their idol.
If a famous person gives the support to a charity organisation, the medias will report it. The power of media cannot be ignored in modern societies. If the medias report this person's activity on the internet, then people using internet will know it. As a result, more people will pay attention to some problems.
However, the celebrities held by famous people or organisations may lead to less attention to some important problems. People may be more concern about how many stars come to the celebrities, than the event ifself. they may transfer the attention to the problems before.
In conclusion, the support of famous people can really attract peoples' concern attention toward more in some problems.On the other hand, celebrities may lead to less attention to those problems.
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