I'd be grateful if you would correct my essay.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for in sports or music, and but others are not. However it is sometimes some people claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person athelete or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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The effects of both inspiration and perspiration on human achievements are undeniable. Many people think special skills such as those of music and sports are hereditary. Yet, it is also believed by some that children are capable of learning almost everything, if good teaching strategies are considered and the circumstances are conducive to success. provided. In my opinion, both nature and nurture are key factors for youths in order to thrive.

Patently, many young adults show remarkable aptitude for sports and music from their infancy. Some special talents are quite innate in some families. For example Mozart was born and raised in a family of musicians; that his siblings, father and grandfather were musicians. He showed prodigious ability from his earliest childhood. In addition, many Brazilian teenagers are potential footballers. These examples show that some talents are intrinsic to individuals who came from the same regions and families.

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 corrrections

suggestions

unknown  I am not sure about these terms.

vocabulary  Places to show more specific mastery of vocabulary.

Let me guess.  This is an IELTS prompt.  Am I correct?

The examples in your second paragraph don't really side with nature or nurture.  As you stated in your introduction, this is your intent.  So I shouldn't comment on this until I finish the review.  Part 2 to be done a little later.  Sorry not to do this all at once.

Review Part 2

However, many people believe that practice makes perfect. Although some special abilities have tremendous impact on human’s achievement, a dynamic environment and effective teaching methods can help children to enhance their skills in sports and music. For instance many people may not know how to swim or how to play the piano. If the required conditions are provided and children are guided appropriately, they would definitely capable of how to are capable of becoming a professional swimmers or a prominent pianists. It should be noted that this cannot be achieved unless trainees pursue special instructions and struggle as much as they can. 

In conclusion, to prosper in sports and boom the ability become proficient in music, certain talents and appropriate learning techniques are essential. If both of these factors are at someone’s disposal, just a few stimuli suffice to flourish in these fields.

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corrections

suggestions

unknown  Not sure what to suggest.

If the required conditions are provided "required conditions". It sounds a bit ambigous to me.

I think you have a solid essay but am concerned about two things:

1. Your essay doesn't lean towards one of the options.  It is possible on these tests to get a high score by "walking the fence", but it is not easy. In my opinion, whether someone is preparing for an essay for the SAT, IELTS, TOEFL, or whatever standardized test, it is easier to pick one side and advocate for that.  In this case, you have more evidence for nurture, so you should develop that while mentioning that "nature" also plays a role, but perhaps a less important roll.  Your Mozart example could support this very well.

2. Your essay is almost entirely composed of passive sentences. In my opinion, many should be changed to add variety and improve the readability. 

I really want to see some other reviews as I doubt my logic and ability to review this at the moment.