ENGLISH GRAMMAR! HELP ME!
I am making a solicitation letter.. Please, help me correct it.
Good day Ma'am/Sir:
I would like to knock in your heart asking help for my latest activity called "Cebu Cosplayers Club on Sinulog Float" for the sinulog event which will happen on January 16, 2011. To participate in this event, a registration fee of P2000.00 is needed. This is a personal solicitation letter, and I don't want to bother my parents about this because they are paying for my tuition fee. For others, this is not important but for me, this opportunity will only come for once and I don't want to waste this opportunity. Be my wings in reaching my dreams. Any amount of donations will be accepted whole-heartedly. Thank you very much and may God bless us all!
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Corrections · 2
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ENGLISH GRAMMAR! HELP ME!
I am making a solicitation letter.. Please, help me correct it.Good day Ma'am/Sir:
I would like to knock in your heart asking help for my latest activity called "Cebu Cosplayers Club on Sinulog Float" for the sinulog event which will happen on January 16, 2011. To participate in this event, a registration fee of P2000.00 is needed. This is a personal solicitation letter, and I don't want to bother my parents about this because they are paying for my tuition fee. For others, this is not important but for me, this opportunity will only come
purple=should be reworded
Blue=changes made
"knock at your heart" is not a phrase often used, at least not in American English. I would suggest "I would like to humbly ask" or "I am searching for kind-hearted souls to help..."
i would change to the following: "This is a personal solicitation letter. My parents are generously paying my college tuition and to ask them for even more would be selfish of me. This opprotunity may be small to most, but to me, it is a once in a lifetime chance."
I would put a "!" after "dreams."
Very good! good luck!
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For me your letter is well done.
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