修改：Painting

改版：
IELTS writing part2: Some people think painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, and they should be compulsory in high school education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Children's education is a very important aspect of our society, and teaching them language, literature, physics, chemistry and so on is not enough. We should also cultivate other interests, such as drawing, music and so on. In my case, drawing is more important. I have been learning this for many years, so from my experience, this subject has benefited me a lot. I enjoy every moment when I am immersed in drawing.

Firstly, art bring beauty to people’s daily lives. When we draw something, we are also observing, so it can help children notice and comprehend small details, and it also teaches them to look at the world from a new perspective. Secondly, painting is a kind of artwork. Children usually don't know much about the world because they are pure. However, their eyes can see certain things that adults fail to notice（因为是比较正式的文章，所以不应该写 can't，只能写 cannot）. Their imagination is wide and through their brush, they can tell others about their true feelings, which are hard to communicate with words alone. Sometimes it is said that drawing is another way to express one's thoughts in an indirect way. It seems like a kind of language. The last advantage I’d like to point out is that because painted gives children an outlet for their creative, it helps them to realize their potential and hidden talents. Painting teaches a person to concentrate on what they are doing.（不应该用 last 两次）
To sum up, drawing is as essential as other subjects. It is a wonderful way to reveal the next generation’s colourful and imaginative insights. We should encourage educators to make it compulsory in schools or some academies. I strongly agree with this perspective.

要特别注意 punctuation，尤其是第一段。举一个比较简单的例子，“这是我的朋友，他来自中国。” 应该翻译成 "This is my friend. He's from China." 因为这两句算是 "完整的句子"，所以英文的话，我们一定要用 period 来把它们分开，而不能用 comma.